Unpretty hurts
by Linneagb
Summary: It sure does and it was all my dad's fault. I couldn't change what he did. But while I wanted to be pretty like everyone else I lost control and it all got out of hand. But after all- I've been through worse.
1. All over again

**I know, I know. Another story? But I wanted to work with the new characters and here we are. Maya is portrayed by Chloe East (with some… changes) Well, here we go.**

"Stop it." My social worker scolded behind me. "Maya stop. They won't get to the door any faster only because you're being annoying pressing the bell again and again."

Sarah barely had the time to finish, and I just continued pressing the doorbell again and again, while making sure my long, dark hair laid in front of the whole left side of my face.

If the bald man who just came smiling and opening the door could see that part of my face I might just as well take my bags and leave for the next care home.

"You're very eager to come in aren't you?" The man smiled forcedly. "Good morning and come in." He stepped away from the door, I threw my backpack over my shoulder and waited for Sarah the social worker to take my other bags. "You can just leave the bags here and come into the office.

I took a harder grip around the shoulder strap of my backpack. But threw it down to put it in between my feet when Mike gestured to the sofa for Sarah and me to sit down.

"Sarah told me on the phone that you… you… you…"

"Look like a freaking beast? Or monster or whatever word you want to use."

"You don't look like a monster. Now, we didn't mention that to the children as…" I shook my head a bit so the hair hung even thicker in front of my face and could hear Sarah sigh next to me.

"What?"

"You're going to have to look at him sooner or later Maya. You might as well."

Now it was my turn to sigh. But knowing she was right. And knowing I had to do this every time like this. I looked down and pulled my hair back. Then pulled it to hang over my left shoulder and made sure Mike could see the back of my hand too as I pulled it down.

The whole left side of my face, my left shoulder and arm all the down to my fingers was covered in scars from my dad throwing a bucket of boiling water over me when I was five. Now that, did have a big part in why I was in care and why I was moved around like every other day.

"Now… like I said…" Mike was trying to get back to what he was talking about before. "Sarah told me and May-Li, my other care worker knows too. But we didn't tell the children as we think it's important they get their very own impression of you when they meet you."

"So what are you gonna do when they see me, aren't ready and someone goes AH A MONSTER"

"They're not like that here." Mike gave a short and nervous chuckle. "They're good kids. Now, why don't you tell me a bit about yourself? Anything you'd think I should know?"

"I don't know…"

I had answered this question about a billion times. But I could never really figure what to say first.

"Why don't you start with your name?"

Idiot!

"My name is Maya-Nicole Connally-Henderson." I breathed in and suppressed a sigh. "But I usually go by Maya Henderson as my dad's name is Nicholas Connnally and I don't want anything more to do with him…"

I was interrupted when the door to the office suddenly opened and a little boy with dark skin and a T shirt with the print of a zebra came in. He froze when he saw Mike was busy, and well… I might just try my theory. With that I casually shook my hair out of the face and made sure the boy would only be able to see the side of my face where there were scars. I could see him only from the corner of my eye but he had frozen and his eyes had grown wide.

"ROAR."

"AAAH." When I roared the boy screamed. I raised an eyebrow and sent a glare to Mike when the boy shouted first wordlessly and then more. "A MONSTER. A MONSTER, A MONSTER, A MONSTER." The boy turned and ran out of the office down the hallway.

"Told you." I sighed, crossed my arms over my chest and slumped back towards the back of the sofa. "There's always that someone."

"I really didn't think anyone here would say something like that." Mike sighed. "Archie come back here…" The boy, obviously named Archie came back into the room, now in the company of an Asian adult. "Archie this is Maya." I turned my head so he would be able to see my face instead of just the scars. "The new girl…"

 _The new girl_

 _The new girl_

 _The new girl_

How many times hadn't I heard those words? Every time at a new freaking care home? Every time at a new family foster home, because those with loads of children would ever be the ones to foster me. But I always had to return to an orphanage only days later for one reason or another.

"But why does she…" Archie reached up and whispered something in May-Li's ear just so loud everyone in the room could hear it. "Why does her face look like that?"

"Well." I didn't have the time to ask or anything- and none of the others knew the whole story anyway. But before I had the time to say anything Mike interrupted. "Why don't we go meet the others? Sarah, you had some other kid to yeah… I'll take it from here and we'll call if anything turns up and… Do you want to carry your backpack? Okay, come on now… Here is the living room." Mike led me through the hallway and into some sort of lounge with sofas and a pool table. And loads of small things- everywhere

"You'll be sharing with Candi-Rose…" Mike gestured to a girl with black hair, fashionable clothes and way too much makeup. "And that's Chloe, Sasha and Dexter, Joseph and Finn, Archie you've already met. And Ryan." Mike gestured to people around the room as if I would be able to remember any of them.

"OMG." That girl- Candi-Rose or whatever, stupid name anyway. "I LOVE your hair." I backed away slightly but that didn't keep her to come over and grip a tress of my hair. "You need to let me put it up for you. Maybe we could do it now, I can teach you some makeup too if you want. So we can get to know each other…"

"Slow down Candi-Rose. Give Maya some space. And I'm sure you'll get time to get to know each other. Now… of course you can go with Candi-Rose's… idea. But we could start with unpacking. Or what do you want to do?" Mike turned back to me, and I looked around the room and to what felt like a million people watching me. "Maybe we should take your bags and show you to your room. You guys just go back to what you were doing."

Mike lead me back to the hallway, took my two bags and then lead me upstairs and to a room that seemed to be in red and pink- not very surprising since I had met Candi-Rose though.

I just simply dropped my backpack on my floor and with my back against Mike- well. I guess it was time to start the lying once and for all over again. And with that I made my voice sound as whiny as possible.

"Actually…" I don't feel too well. "I laid a hand on my stomach and grimaced as if I was feeling nauseas. "I had some sausages before I left and I don't think it agreed with my stomach…" Mike frowned and reached out to lay a hand on my forehead.

"You don't feel warm…" Mike seemed to hesitate about what to say or do. "Do you want to… is there anything I could do… or would you like to be just left alone and go lie down." I nodded. "Alone and yeah…" he dropped the bags at the floor and gestured to the bed to the left. "That is yours. Should I get you a bucket or anything?"

"Can you just…" I turned to him, sounding more annoyed and angry than I had planned. "I just need to be alone. Okay?" Mike nodded. "And I…"

"Come and get me if anything happens?" I nodded and Mike left, I laid down on my back and stared into the ceiling. I knew very well the not feeling well and sausage part and everything were nothing but lies. I felt fine.

 _But I guess it was time to just start everything over again._

"Oh and by the way." I whispered to myself. "The answer to Archie's question is 'because my dad tried to kill me.' That's why."

 **Random fact**

When Maya is asked to tell who she is she basically doesn't know where to start- I have the exact same problem so that's where that comes from.


	2. Keep on pretending

**Trigger warning- purging and binge eating.**

 **I'm sorry I started the story, and then fell off the face of the earth. Here is a second chapter- I hope you like it.**

My stomach cramped , there was a sour taste in my mouth and my nails scratched the back of my mouth when I, as quickly as I could pulled my hand out of my mouth when the gagging reflexes turned on and I heaved over the toilet bowl. Tears were burning in my eyes, I hated doing this… But I needed to, I needed to.

As soon as the gagging stopped I flushed the toilet and put my hand into my mouth, pushing my fingers as far back as I could, it tickled my throat and I heaved again. Once against scratching the back of my mouth.

At last, when I was left with painful dry heaves wrenching my whole body I accepted there was nothing left to be brought up and I flushed the toilet and stood up to wash my hands.

"Maya…" Someone knocked the door. "Is that you?"

I didn't answer verbally, only unlocked the door and opened it. Then leaned against the door frame while that bald, old care worker backed away to get away from that sour smell from my mouth but still felt my forehead.

"I'm fine…" I tried… "We had some sausages back at Stonewall care home before I left this morning and I don't think they agreed with my stomach really."

"Come on…" Mike laid a hand on my shoulder and led me through the hallway. "It might sound weird. But sometimes when someone here is ill we usually let them lay down in the attic. That will give them more privacy than in the room they have to share. The attic is right here…" He opened a door and showed me up some stairs. "There is a sofa and…" He picked up a great cardboard box and then put it hard down on the floor. "You could use that for a bedside table. I'll go get a bucket and a glass of water. I'll put your things in your room… Is there something else you need?"

"No thank you."

I stared into the ceiling until Mike came with the things, and then came back up with the glass of water and the bucket… And then I just laid there and felt sorry for myself.

One might not think that what I did was a rightful mess. After all, I spent the day doing nothing at all. Switching in between staring into the ceiling, reading a book I had found on a shelf written by some Tracy Beaker, and dreaming away wishing I had never gotten into this mess. Because it was the mess- and it was the biggest mess I had ever been in. Including the four times my dad had tried to kill me.

As soon as anyone knocked on the door and came upstairs I just pretended to be sleeping or something. Once I could hear Mike's voice and could feel him feeling my forehead to sense if I had a fever, but carefully. He was afraid he would wake me up. And while he left the room I pretended to be sleeping again, but somewhere in all of that I must have fallen asleep for real.

"Here…" I flinched awake and looked up finally when May-Li had come upstairs and said something, I could hear her put a plate down next to me. "… It's just some toast and butter. You need to eat something." I sat up and stared onto the toast that was burned black and the butter was melted. "All the others have gone to bed, I'm going now. Come and get me if you get sick again or you need anything."

For a few minutes I just laid there and listened. Listened closely while I heard there was still waken, moving and life downstairs. Then a door closed and a bed creaked, and at last I couldn't hear anything more. I listened for a few more minutes and then, when I was as certain as I possibly could that nobody would hear me I reached for the plate May-Li had turned on that box and the first piece of toast.

Not until I took the first bite of the burned toast I felt how my stomach grumbled with hunger. I had meant to make it last as long as possible and then finally go to bed but after what felt like, and probably even was a few seconds the first piece was gone and it wasn't long before the second too, and the glass of water, warm and disgusting after standing on that bedside table- well, that cardboard carton box all day.

But I was still hungry afterwards. And now I felt I was hungry I was really hungry. I was hungry for more, I needed more.

I tried to tell myself that what happened last time I felt like this wouldn't happy again. I did learn something for every time it happened and maybe this would be the time… Yes, I could remain control this time. And with that, I stood up and tip-toed down the stairs and to the kitchen.

As quietly, but as fast as I could I opened the kitchen cupboards and later on the fridge. Put a pack of crackers and some chocolate biscuits in one pocket on my shirt, found a bottle of Pepsi and put it in the other, made some sandwiches with jam and grabbed a can of 7-up before I, still as quietly as I could walked back upstairs. And the whole way up to the attic.

As soon as I had sat down I stopped and listened closely. I hadn't woken anybody up had I?

But the house remained silent and after a few minutes I opened the bottle of Pepsi and the pack of crackers. I kept on telling myself that now, today would be the day (or night) when I could remain control of myself.

I chewed up another salt cracker and then I was done. I had lost control all along. One more cracker, Pepsi, two chocolate biscuits, a sandwich, the whole can of 7-up, more crackers. And I did it at a pace I couldn't have gotten back control if I tried my very hardest.

And not until the very last sip of 7-up was gone I stopped and realized what I had done.

I was as good as hyperventilating and could just as well have woken the whole house up while I hurried down the stairs and then spent a few minutes of being disoriented before I ran out into the back garden and ran into a shed, I needed to find something, I needed to find something… and something obviously was a metal, gardening bucket.

My throat burned and a part of me screamed at me to stop what I was doing while I shoved my hand as far back into my mouth as I could and heaved over the bucket. My stomach cramped and tears were rising in my eyes, tears of disgust, of disappointment- if I could only keep control next time…

Next time…

No, there wouldn't be a next time.

I forced myself not to stick my fingers into my mouth again, then grabbed the metal edge of the bucket to turn around and empty it among the trees in the garden. If anyone found out about this it would cause a lot of trouble. And then there really wouldn't be a next time- and as much as I hated doing what I did. I needed to, I needed to.

I needed to, I needed to, I needed to.

"What are you doing?"

 **So… Maya's bulimic. And then she spent the day pretending to be ill to be left of her own and she ate whatever she could find. Then went outside in the garden and the shed and now there's someone who saw her… this really is a whole lot of mess. And the rest, you'll have to wait until next time for.**

 **Random fact**

Purging/ binge eating or anything like that I luckily have no own experiences off. I hope I'm writing it okay…


	3. No way out

**Trigger warning- purging and binge eating.**

 **Thanks to Maleeha x and x snow-pony x for reviewing.**

"What are you doing?"

"AH."

I jumped, dropped the bucket and span around all at once. Then jumped again when there actually was a person standing there. A small, dark-skinned boy standing in his Lion King Pyjamas and slippers.

"God Archie, don't scare me like that."

At the same time I was relieved it wasn't one of the older kids, Mike or May-Li, Archie wasn't old enough to understand what I was doing yet and he was little enough for me to manipulate him into not telling me.

"What are you doing?" He asked again, but continued before I had the time to say anything. "You're being sick. I'll go get May-Li."

"NO." I shouted and grabbed his shirt before he had the time to run away. "No…" I said, calmer this time. "Don't. I just ate a bit too soon after being ill and it did not agree with my stomach. I went out here not to wake anyone up and I thought a bit of fresh air might help. I do feel better already actually. I'm just going to clean out this bucket and then go inside again. You just go back to bed…" Archie nodded slightly and started to turn. "And Archie. Don't tell anyone about this okay? They'll only worry about me and I don't want them to have to do it. So don't. Never tell anyone that I was throwing up again, okay?"

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"Okay."

"Goodnight."

I drew a deep, relieved breath when I could hear Archie's steps continue over the grass and up towards the house again. But waited until I had heard the door close after him before I left the shed and cleaned the bucket with some leaves as good as possible.

What I had done would never show now.

If only Archie hadn't been there to see it.

Well, now he was too little to understand what had been really going on. But I couldn't help but wonder if he'd ever know or if he would believe what I had told him. At the same time I couldn't help but wonder if all of this secretive about what I was doing would ever change and the secrets would come out. Or would I ever be able to stop it myself or…

It wasn't as if I- or anybody else would ever plan to be that person who ate God knows everything then to go stick one's fingers down one's throat to throw it all up. But it had sort of happened. And even with the promise to myself that this was the last ever time I had done it. At the same time from what seemed another direction- the knowledge came that this was an endless story and unless anything changed, like really changed, there would be no way out.

With thoughts spinning in my mind like that I laid on that sofa in that attic and stared into the ceiling all night. A few times I tried only closing my eyes and calm down. But sleep wouldn't come, while those thoughts were wilder than ever. Stuck in my mind with hatred for myself and God knows what else this was.

Well, whatever it was it really did feel like there was not a chance in one million to get away from it.

"Are you hungry?" May-Li asked when I came down for breakfast on Sunday morning and I nodded, more not to worry anyone than for that I actually was. "Well… here we all just choose what we want from the table and then eat and leave as we want. Dinner we eat together but you'll learn our routines today and this week. If you see something missing on the breakfast table then just tell us and we'll try to solve it somehow."

"Have you got any Weetabix?" Tyler held them up. "That will be enough thanks. I think someone said yesterday I'm going to share with somebody." I sat down next to a girl dressed in pink. I couldn't remember her name but I did remember it was a stupid one. "I think it was with you."

"Yes it was. I'm Candi-Rose."

Oh… I didn't remember it quite that stupid.

"I never got around to do it when I arrived." I said while we were walking away from the breakfast table ten minutes later and forced myself to smile while we continued towards our rooms. "But I guess it's time to unpack and everything. Which one of these is my bed and where can I put my clothes and things?" Candi-Rose pointed it out while I closed the door. "Great."

"I think Maya's a really great name by the way." Candi-Rose told me and sat down on her bed while I opened the lowest drawer of the dresser and put underwear and socks in. Neatly folded and in three different parts of the drawer (underwear to the right, bra's in the middle, socks to the left). "It's so beautiful. I like my name too only it's kind of… Well I don't know really. But a girly name like that does suit me since I'm so girly and wear dresses and love pink and all of that. My mum always told me she'd always imagined having two twin girls and naming them Candi and Rose. But then when she only had me she didn't know what to do. Then she got ill and even though she lived she wouldn't be able to have more children, so she put those names together and here I am. I don't understand how dad could agree to it. He's so… what do you call it… macho? What are your parents like?"

"My mum died when I was eighteen months old." I said shortly and without any feeling put into my voice. "I don't meet my dad."

"Oh…" Candi-Rose's voice had lost its happy tone. "I'm sorry to hear that. What about your dad? Have you been in care for long? What hap…"

"None of your business." I interrupted with my back against her still. "And I bet if I told you the truth it would give you nightmares."

Well, I knew for sure it gave me nightmares.

 _It's okay, it's just a dream._

The night until Monday was like so many others before it filled with flashing lights, shortness of breath, blood and boiling water. Then the picture of my mum standing right in front of me, blood covering her face. And without words telling me that her death was all my fault.

 _Wake up Maya, wake up._

But those words were no way out. They never were, and while voices about everything was my fault. And my dad would come and get me, and mum hated me. And that I made everybody else hate me with all I did. And there was no way out of them, nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. And so at last, dad was standing right in front of me, reaching out his hands to grab me around my throat.

This was always the scariest part. It was always the one I woke up at, but that didn't matter. It was still as scary at that point when I couldn't tell what was real and what was dream and that burning anger rage in his eyes and…

NOW I'VE GOT YOU

With a hyperventilating breath I flew up into sitting position. I was breathing fastly, only barely getting enough air in to get it out again. And it felt about a million times a second that it started all oveover agair again.

But still, I was clear enough to know that when I fell asleep Candi-Rose had been here too. And now she wasn't. And I needed to figure something out soon of how I was going to do this or the others would have left the school before I got out of bed.

"I got my uniform from this school last week…" I tied the neck tie just as I walked into the kitchen. "…But you should have woken me up. Now I won't have time to even eat breakfast before I have to go."

"We thought it would be best for you if you stayed home today." Mike said with a distressed tone in his voice (Like I already knew he would before he said it) and felt my forehead. "Since you were ill this weekend. Keep still… No. I don't think you have a temperature."

"Well I never had one. And I have to go to school. That's kind of the law and there's no way to get away from that…" I said as if I even cared about stupid classes. "…And I'm fine. And I promise you I'm fine Mike. I don't know what else you want me to do. I just had those bad sausages on Saturday morning. I only started going to this school last week and I need to find out more about a test. I have to go to school." Mike winced and rubbed his neck.

"Okay." He said at last throwing his hands out to the sides in a given up move. "But then promise me you'll call if something happens or you don't feel well." I nodded- well, dream on Mike Milligan! "Have you got our number?" I nodded. "Fine then."

"Well are you coming?" Suddenly, Jody was right by my side. "Mike drives the younger ones. Us older ones take the regular bus. You have got a pass right? Great. Anyway. I checked and you are in my homeroom so if you just follow me around then everything will be fine. We have got English for first class. Mr. Stevens always makes the best classes and assignments. But if we don't go now we won't be able to catch the bus and then we'll have no class at all." Jody laughed at her own bad joke. "Come on now."

I shot Mike a glance and made sure he wasn't changing his mind. Then grabbed my coat and took my backpack. On the way to the bus stop Jody and Tyler were chattering on about whatever, I just walked silently a bit behind them.

I never even got a chance to tell anyone that I had been to this school only last week to get to know everything before I'd be a student.

Although. They might not have to know that anyway…

"And our homeroom is over there." Jody pointed when we came into the school a quarter of an hour later. "Your locker is number seven. That's' over there. I just need to get some things from my locker. Then we'll be in the same class. Meet you there." Before I had anything to say Jody had turned in the opposite direction from me while I stepped over to my locker and looked down on the small paper with the code for the lock.

"Hey look." In the moment I finally got the locker open I heard one girl say something about me as she snorted. I turned and like I thought, she and her small group of friends all looked at me. "It's Scarface." I shook my head so my hair hung over the side of my face that was burned and scarred and the girls screamed with laughter. "Scarface you are, Scarface you'll always be. Shake your head all you want. You can never trick me."

The girl's stupid rhyme and the other girls calling me Scarface (oh how imaginative. As if I hadn't heard that one before!) rang in my ears while I turned and stomped down the hallway. Knowing very well I was in the wrong direction- I didn't care about class anyway. Neither with Mr. Stevens nor with any other teacher.

I knew when I turned left and then right Jody wouldn't be able to see me. So maybe that was why I turned in that direction, walked up all the stairs I could, and then sunk down by the wall and put my head in my hands.

 _If only there had been a way out of this._

 **Archie found Maya purging, but she lied to him and he promised not to tell. Maya and Candi-Rose share room, Maya has nightmares and she and Jody goes to the same homeroom in school. And that's kind of it. See you next time!**

 **Random fact**

I have had a case of writer's block this weekend. So if you think this sucks it probably does and I'm sorry.


	4. Dancers and care kids

**Thanks to Maleeha x for reviewing**

 **I am so, so sorry for not having updated in months. I have way too many stories going on right now, and haven't been sure about how to continue with this. I've known all along where it'll lead but I didn't know what would come next only. But anyway, here we are and here's a brand new chapter. I hope you like it.**

 **Jody POV**

"And then…" Mr. Stevens was going through which students have come to close. "…We have a new girl in this class. Maya-Nicole Connally- Henderson?"

My God? How could I had forgotten all about Maya?

"Maya- Nicole Connally-Henderson." Mr. Stevens looked around the room. "Isn't Maya- Nicole Connally-Henderson here today? Miss Jackson." He looked down on me. "I thought she was supposed to come with you. Wasn't she?"

"What?" I heard from the back of the room and turned. I had to force myself not to get onto my feet, run over to the girl in the back and punch her or whatever. Anything that would mean she hurt. Because I knew exactly what was coming next. "So it's just another care kid then? Why does she come here one month into the term? In the middle of a group essay? She's going to have to be a part of one group and she'll mess the whole thing up for everybody else in that."

"Thank you for your concern Miss Conrad." Mr. Stevens said calmly. "But I think we can make it work together. Now again, Miss Jackson." He looked down on me. "Would you be so kind and go and see if you can find your friend?"

"Of course Mr. Stevens." I got onto my feet quickly and hurried towards the door. "MAYA." I shouted through the hallway. "MAYA, where did you go? Maya?" I walked in the direction where I had seen her the last. And past our lockers. "MAYA? You're not getting sick again, are you? Nope. There's nobody in here." I was talking to myself while I checked the bathrooms. Then gave a deep sigh while I walked out into the hallway. "There you are, class have started and Mr. Stevens is wondering where you are? What happened? Why didn't you come after me?"

"I just got a bit lost and forgot in what direction you went. Should we just get to class?"

Weeks after Maya's first day at our school I would be able to barely remember things I actually didn't care about. Because today I didn't care about the way Maya held her books and things in front of her, pressed towards her abdomen as if to cover something. If I had known I might have noticed the way she pushed pieces of the cheesy, pasta with chicken we had for lunch and threw big parts of the portion she had taken in the trash afterwards. I might have noticed the way she shook her head for her fringe and hair to hang over her face. Or at least cover half of it- the half with all the scars.

But I didn't. I thought then they only made sense. She'd be a bit shy, she was at a new school after all. She wouldn't be hungry since she had only been ill just. And boy. If I would have had those scars…

And of course I would have punched that girl talking loud and clear about care kids in the hallway in the face. Break her nose or something. Give her scars. I had hit her before and wouldn't mind doing it again. Although Mike wouldn't be happy about it and I might get suspended.

"I've got better things to do then to join a dance team with Jamie "Care kids suck" Conrad and her squad…" By the end of the day I stood with Tyler by the doors and waited for Maya to catch up. Talking about the dance team that had started getting ready for the competition in two and a half months. To show what I thought about them all I made a few moves, then made some weird ballet-parody thing and put my arms in the air just as the girls from dancing walked by with their teacher at the end. "Oh hello."

"Do you know…" I sent Tyler a death glare when he started talking. "…That Jody is actually a really good dancer. She dances I don't know… Break or street or whatever they're all called. She even taught herself to do it." I sighed and rolled my eyes. "You should see her."

"Hmm." Miss Donoghue stopped in her tracks and looked from Tyler to me and back again, then back to me and up and down. "We could use one more who does mostly hip hop dancing. Jackson right? Jody Jackson?"

"Yes Ma'am." I glared on Tyler, then looked over the group of dancers in front of me. "Could need some more boys too couldn't you?"

"Oh no." Some of the girls giggled and Tyler laughed out loud. "I couldn't dance well to save a life. Look. If I dance, I look like a walrus with an afro trying to move around. BUT. Jody is actually really good at dancing."

Miss Donoghue looked me up and down once again and seemed to think hard about something. And if there was something every student at this school knew about- Miss Donoghue's words were law.

"Auditions are in the gym tomorrow, four PM. I hope I'll see you there."

"Who is she?" Just as the dancers walked away Maya came from the other direction. "And who are they?"

"The dance team." I told her and glared at Tyler one more time while we started walking towards the doors and the bus stop. "And their coach, Miss Donoghue. Apparently the auditions for this year's team are tomorrow and it seems she wants me on her team this year."

"And what do dance teams even do?" Maya questions. "I don't think any other school I've ever been to has had one. Dancing is for free time and… Don't we have to run now to catch the bus?"

"It's fine. They have dancing competitions in town twice a year. In June and in December. And there is one in two months, right before Christmas. So she wants people for the team. And she's like very picky. And only wants the best and some of the girls are so…. Ugh! I just don't care about it. I can't even bother."

"It sounds like you know awfully much about it for someone who doesn't care."

I couldn't help but to just grimace jokingly at Maya. But she just rolled her eyes while our group of three walked back towards the bus stop where we had gotten off the bus this morning and went back to the dumping ground. Still without a single word.

"A letter came for you today Maya." May-Li said coming out of the office just as we came inside and handed an envelope to the dark-haired girl next to me. Maye looked down on it for a second, then before saying anything to anyone hurried through the hallway and up the stairs. Where we could hear her bedroom door slam behind her.

I looked after her and in the corner of my eye I could see Tyler and May-Li doing the same. And there had just been something in Maya's body language that had me thinking that the letter Maya had gotten meant something more than commercial or anything else that ever came to the children around here.

I did understand that someone might tell me that Maya could need some time alone if I said anything. So without a word I hurried up the stairs and after Maya. Where I knocked on the door to hers and Candi-Rose's room and waited.

"Come in or stay where you are. It's your decision… Really? We only spent the whole day together already. What's up now?"

"Yeah I know. I just saw you with that letter and I wondered. Well. Are you alright?" Maya nodded and threw the folded letter on her bed in front of her. "What was the letter about, if you don't mind me asking?"

"It's fine. Everybody asks." Maya looked like it was anything but fine and I regretted my question but was too sneaky to interrupt. "You're going to find out sooner or later anyway. Well, you can't exactly miss it. I look like…" She gestured to her scarred face. "A monster from burn scars. And about once a year I have surgery. Because as we grow the skin is supposed to stretch out or… well… Just look at this…." She held up her left hand and showed me how she couldn't fully stretch four fingers. "Scarred skin doesn't stretch if you get what I mean. So when all of the rest of me has grown I have to have surgery. Skin transplants." Maya grabbed the paper and waved with it with a deep sigh. Then fell back towards her bed. "Just go away will you?"

"Shouldn't you tell Mike? If you're having surgery I mean."

"I've got almost two months to do so. I'll have time."

"Do you want me to tell him?"

"NO." Maya stood up and shouted in my face. "And go away. Go, go… shoo." I backed out the door and Maya slammed it in front of my face. "And stay there." She shouted through the door. "I just want to be alone."

I didn't move for another few seconds.

Then finally, I just had to realize that getting Maya to open up might be a bigger challenge than I thought at first I went into my room and slumped down onto my back on the bed and stared into the ceiling as if an answer to how I would be able to help Maya, or even help myself to help her. Or do anything to help anyone would turn up right ahead of me if I just stared for long enough.

"Hey." Mike suddenly appeared in the doorway. "Can I come in?" I nodded and sat up. "How was it today?" I shrugged, pretty normal day. "Listen. I wouldn't ask you for this if I didn't have to. But you have noticed that Maya is… well. She's a bit special. But, as you already know. There are loads of children here right now and we've got a lot to do which means that you older kids gets to spend much time alone and without my or May-Li's help. And Maya just came here. And… What I'm trying to say is… I know that you're in the same homeroom and everything so I was hoping. I was hoping that maybe… Try and be her friend yeah? Can you do that? I know it's a weird thing to ask for but… I think it's what she needs. And I think you two could make good friends if you gave each other a chance. And like I said, I think it's what she needs coming to this place. Knowing that there is someone in the whole wide world who doesn't want to give up on her. Do you get me?"

"I get it. And I'm already trying, I figured it would work since we're in the same homeroom at school and everything. But she… She's not exactly the easiest person to talk to."

"I know. But she's only been here for a couple of days. And neither were you when you first came here. Believe me." I just glared back at Mike, but knowing he was right. "But we had Tracy then. And you guys understand each other better than what I or May-Li or anyone else will be able to." Mike smiled back at me. "I really think you could be able to help her. I trust you Jody. And I also know that what Maya, or actually any new kid that comes here. Needs someone to care for them, a friend. Or at least just somebody who doesn't give up on them." Mike looked pleading at them. "And I know that if you put your mind into doing something you're not giving up until you've done it."

"Yeah that sounds like me." I smiled back at Mike who smiled at me, patted my knee and then left the room. "Close the door after you please." Once the door was closed I fell backwards towards the bed and stared into the ceiling. "Mike trusts me…" I spoke mostly to myself. "…He is right though. I don't give up on things I've made up my mind on. I just wish there was a way to show Maya that no one here, neither me nor Mike nor anybody else will give up on her like I guess everybody she's ever done have before."

 **Well. Maya and Jody go to school together. And Jody is trying to be her friend. But it's kind of hard and she's not thinking about some things that seem pointless now but won't be so in the future. Now Mike is asking her to keep doing so… So what is it that will change in the future and how bad will it become?**

 **Random fact**

I did realize that told from Jody's point of view like this it almost, during some whiles seemed like Jody was in love with Maya. So just to clear everything up- she's not. She just cares for her and wants to be friends with her. As she and everybody else are realizing that would be what Maya so badly needs at this moment.


	5. Keep your secrets close

**Well hello everybody. Happy New Year. Here is the first chapter of the year- enjoy.**

 **Thanks to Fanatic1234 for reviewing.**

 **There is a risk I have called Maya Annie at some point. I have another story ("The little girl") with a girl named Annie and sometimes mixed it up and wrote it wrong.**

 **He'll most likely never be in the story in person. But I've decided that Maya's dad- Nicholas Connally is portrayed by actor Joshua Jackson. And like before Maya is portrayed by Chloe East.**

 **Mike POV**

Whenever someone new arrived at the dumping ground, the first couple of days seemed a bit chaotic with all the paper work, who would them share room with, getting used to sharing, what chair by the kitchen table and everything else that came with every child and adult in the whole house to get to know the new child.

And when Maya arrived the whole story repeated itself. Except some of the children needed to learn not to stare at her whenever they were in the same room. Only because Maya didn't look like the others with all of those burn scars it was like everybody had forgotten that only staring 24/7 was not okay.

But then of course, things started going back to normal. The children's curiosity on how all of those scars looked when they came up close faded. Maya was sharing with Candi-Rose but was better friends with Jody and they also went to school together. Being friends with Jody she also made friends with Tyler quite a bit. And there was nobody in the house who seemed to simply dislike her. And that was always a problem if someone did with a new child.

Yet I couldn't let the feeling go that something was about to go very, very wrong. I seldom got feelings like this. But now I had it and it was driving me crazy. Maybe it was because Maya had been ill right when she arrived. Maybe it was because of all of those scars and how the children would react to it. But that feeling just wouldn't leave me alone.

Yet the clock kept on ticking like always. The days kept going by, the summer had turned into autumn and that constant raining. Not a day went by without at least one child coming from school looking like a drowned rat. And the children (and May-Li and I for that matter) were driving each other crazy from staying inside at all times.

Oh, and Jody joined the dance team in school.

Often she still tried to act like she didn't like it or wanted to spend time with all of those girls. But every single one of the two times a week she took her bag and went to the school gym I did notice a small hop in her steps that hadn't been there before.

So despite annoyed fights, children not wanting to do chores and our newest child being one of the most silent I had ever met. Well that was except for Milly who had been here years ago. The dumping ground was still… the dumping ground. And I wouldn't expect any big changes unless there came a new kid at some moment.

There weren't any new kids…

But one day in the beginning of the mid-term holidays there was a knock on the office door when I would have least expected it.

"Hello Archie." I couldn't help but smile when our youngest resident knocked on the door. I had expected him to smile back but he didn't. Instead he just looked nervous in a way that had me worried. "What's up buddy? Is there something you want to talk about?" Archie hesitated, then nodded barely noticeable. "In private?" He nodded again. "Well come in then. Close the door after you."

Archie tip-toed into the room and carefully closed the door after him. As if he did it too fast or two loud some monster would come and hear him doing it. Then he carefully tip-toed over to the couch and sat down.

"We talked about secrets at school the other day…" Archie refused to look at neither me nor May-Li, instead he looked to his hands which he was twisting towards each other in his lap. This wasn't like him, I hadn't seen him like this before. "…And Mrs. Tessa told us that sometimes, if someone tells us not to tell an adult about some things. Then that when we should do it the most. Because some of those things can hurt people and adults are there to help us and stop it from hurting."

Archie finally, nervously looked up on first May-Li, then me, then he looked down again. And I showed May-Li to be quiet. If we interrupted or startled him right now it might all be gone. And if it was worth keeping something secret then it was probably important.

"That night. When Maya first around here… When she was ill. I heard her go outside and followed her. She was standing in the shed. She was throwing up again. But what was weird was that she was holding her fingers in her mouth. It was like she was trying to catch it or stop it. Then when she gagged she just pushed her hand further into her mouth until she threw up. And she told me not to tell anyone. I have heard and seen her going outside at night more times. Then heard her coming back and heard her going to the bathroom to brush her teeth. But I don't know if she's been throwing up more times. She brushes her teeth a lot though."

Archie stopped talking. He could have said only half of what he just had. It wasn't hard to figure what was going on. Yet harder to figure what we were going to do now. Maya would need help- more than what we could give her here.

"I told her I wouldn't tell anyone. And I didn't for weeks. But today…. Well, like I said. We talked about secrets. So I figured maybe I should tell you… Do you think Maya is going to be angry with me now?"

"No Archie." May-Li had figured what to say first. "We'll talk to her. Mike, can you go and find Maya and take her here. I think we need to talk to her for a bit. And Archie." May-Li showed him to come up and look at her. "It was really, really good that you told us this. Because this is something that we need to help Maya with."

May-Li kept on talking to Archie. But I went to find Maya. Although when I found her in her and Candi-Rose's room. Reading a book and seeming far away from the now and actual world I was in. I suddenly feared.

If I chose any of the wrong words right now I would have just made it all a whole lot worse.

 **Fifth chapter finished in the project of trying to get all of my stories updated in the new year.**

 **Random fact**

The ending scene was actually the first scene I wrote to this chapter. Because it was actually the only part of the chapter I had planned out when I started writing the chapter.


	6. And your revealings closer

**Thanks to x snow-pony x for reviewing.**

 **Maya POV**

"Maya." I looked up from my book when I heard a knock on my bedroom door and Mike's voice on the other side. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah sure." I reached for a glass of water on my bedside table. I had already done my best to cover up the smell of vomit since the last time I purged. One could never be careful enough. And a split second later the door opened and Mike came into the room.

"Can you come with me downstairs and into the office?"

I raised an eyebrow, why this all of a sudden? But not to cause trouble I laid my book to the side and followed Mike. But not until I had noticed the distressed frown in Mike's forehead. Whatever this was about it wasn't good.

"Coming." I stood up and threw the book on my bed. "God. Why the rush all of a sudden?"

Maybe Jody had told Mike about that surgery. Damn it! I knew I'd forgotten something.

It was in the back of my mind what was really going on, but I tried to push it away and deny it all the time down the hallway, down the stairs and into the office. Then when I saw who was standing next to May-Li. Insecurely looking up at me I knew there was no turning back.

"Archie?"

Nobody had to say anything for me to understand whatever this was about. Then for a moment I couldn't say a word.

"Archie. You can leave. Maya, sit down."

Archie left. But he was looking at me the whole time. I guess I tried to glare- I wanted to be angry at him for telling what he had promised me to keep secret.

But I could feel my glare just fading off and turn into something callous. Like I couldn't even care. Maybe I didn't anyway. I did as I was told and sat down in the couch waiting for whatever.

"Maya…" May- Li started. "Archie just came to talk to us about…" Mike and May-Li both seemed insecure and searching for the right words. "…Maybe you already know what he wanted to tell us about. Something you had asked him to keep a secret."

For what felt like a million years I only looked from Mike to May-Li, to Mike, back to May-Li, then back to Mike while nobody said a word. I would have preferred them looking angry and shouting at me over this disappointed look and silence while they waited for my answer.

"Yeah I guess."

Right then and there, I didn't even know why. But it was like all of the fighting and secret keeping in me just ran off. It wasn't like I just started talking and told them everything at once. But when they started asking questions I knew I couldn't have lied more if I tried.

"How often do you make yourself throw up?"

"Once or twice a day."

I only had to count for a second to come to an answer. And it wasn't until I said it out loud that I realized that it had gotten out of hand.

"When did this start?"

I would have wanted to lie. Tell them that all of this was a lie. Something Archie had read or watched TV about and then wanted to try whatever if he told someone, someone he knew was doing it.

"About nine months ago."

Mike checked something in the computer. Probably to find something where all of this might have started. I knew of course. But while I saw May-Li pointing something and whispered something to Mike I couldn't hear I just knew they had found what they were looking for.

"About that time you had a meeting with your dad…" Mike started and frowned even deeper while he looked at me. "…Did that have something to do with why it started?"

 **Flashback**

"Oh well. There you are."

I was led by guards in prison into an empty room and to sit down on one chair on one side of a table. On the other side of the table- wearing those ugly, thin sweatpants and T shirt- clothes that could impossibly be used to hurt someone. And with hands cuffed behind his back and that evil smirk that made shivers go through my spine at me.

There were guards in the room, by the door and on each side of the table. My dad could impossibly get a chance to hurt me. Still only seeing my dad like that, both looking at each other in silence made me want to run. Run far.

"I almost thought you wouldn't come."

I just knew I didn't want to. I had spent so much time making up my mind what I wanted to tell my dad whenever I got the chance to meet him. Now I was here I just wanted to run away.

"You know those scars…" Dad looked up towards the guards and then nodded to my face. "…I caused them. I'm so proud. She wasn't much to see for the world before that either. But of course- she was only five. How old are you now by the way? One kind of loses track of days and years in a place like that."

"Thirteen."

"And still ugly." Dad laughed evilly still looking towards the guards by the table. I looked up at them too. Maybe they could say something, do something to keep him away from me. Both physically and mentally. "Oh. These two? They're not supposed to do anything unless I try to hurt you." Dad's low, snorting voice made me want to throw up. "And I can't do that." He tugged his hands towards the hand cuffs behind his back. "But what is it they say? Words could never hurt me? Haha. They were wrong. I can hurt you now. I hate you. And you are lousy, and worthless, and fat and ugly and stupid and everything that comes with you. And I hate you. I hate you. I hate you."

I knew dad was only saying every bad word he could think of to get to me. Still I couldn't help but hear every single one of them.

"Fat, fat, fat."

Now why did he got caught up on that one?

"Now. That seem to be the worst thing each and every girl can hear in today's society. Even if they so are walking skeletons they say I look fat in this or I look fat in that. Your mother did that all the time. Nick do I look fat in this dress? Nick do I look fat in that shirt? Bla bla bla. She was fat though. And you look exactly like her. She was fat and ugly and so are you. Now do something about that before the next time I see you. Now. It's been eight years since last time can we make it eighteen for next? Set a new record? Wow. You're so quiet. The word fat really seemed to get to you girl? Is that because you know you're fat, fat, fat."

"I think I'd like to go now." I interrupted and stood up and trying not to look at my dad I turned to one of the guards who nodded and pulled up a key that was hanging in his pocket. Then followed me when I walked towards the door and tried to shut out the sound of my dad's voice.

"But you only just came here you fatty loser."

 **End of flashback**

"Yes."

 **Random fact**

If you have noticed the title of the last chapter and this chapter. You might recognize it. It's based on a quote that says "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer". I don't even know where that idea came from but I thought it suited and then I had titles for two chapters so "shrugs" I hope it works.


	7. If this is the end

**The flashback starts where the last chapter ended.**

So that was it! All of those secrets I had worked so hard to keep to myself were out and it was only a matter of time before everybody would know.

After talking to Mike and May-Li it was with heavy steps I walked upstairs and into mine and Candi-Rose's room. Then slumped down flat on my back on my bed and laid an arm over my eyes in a distressed move.

If I could only go back in time, make sure that I was being quiet so Archie wouldn't have followed me outside that night. Keep on doing what I was doing and made sure nobody knew. Then quit before anyone did and before it could hurt anybody else.

Actually, if I could only go back in time until when Mike and May-Li had called me in for that meeting and come up with some better answers. Something that wouldn't worry them so much- something like telling them my dad didn't have anything to do with it and I was just another normal teenager that was insecure about my body.

Well, of course so wasn't really the case though

 **Flashback**

" _Yes"_

Mike and May-Li looked to each other when I gave them the answer that all of this had started with what my dad said. For a second it flashed by that I should tell them what he had said and it all. But I forced that thought away, took a deep breath and waited for the next question.

"Look. Maya." Mike turned to check something on the computer. May-Li turned to me and looked me into the eyes. I couldn't help but to look away. "I know that you know you are not the first or the only one dealing with… problems like these. And I'm not looking for a reason to kick you out of here or anything. But this might be more than what we can handle and it might be hard also with all the other kids here. We won't be able to keep it secret from them."

I just nodded, I couldn't figure anything to say that would help at this point. But of course, if it was to help them… I just didn't want to. If I just tried to get better it couldn't be so hard could it? I just didn't have to go into the bathroom and not shove my fingers down my throat?

Well, if it had always been so simple I wouldn't be in this position right?

Idiot!

"I'll do my best." I could hear the whiny tone in my voice, but I just had to say something. "I promise you. I really will. Just as long as you don't send me away or lock me in or anything. And you can tell anyone, anyone that needs to know or that will find out anyway. Just as long as you don't… kind of lock me in."

"It's not about locking someone in. Neither you, nor anybody else. And I'm sure you know that we will never force you to do anything you don't want to do. Unless it's getting into yours or somebody else's safety. Which it is right now. Because you can't keep on doing what you've been doing or you'll get very ill. And I know you know that Maya. But I also know that it's not as simple that you can just quit just like that."

"I'm kind of claustrophobic so as long as nobody locks me in somewhere- doesn't matter where. I'm fine with it. Just do what you want, okay?"

Silence fell over the room for a bit, Mike was still checking something on the computer and whispered something to May-Li that I couldn't catch as words. May-Li just nodded and the way she looked at me made something clench around my throat as if I was on my way to start crying.

"They have got a treatment program for this at the hospital. But that is one that requires that you go here…" Mike turned the computer screen and pointed. "And live there for at least a month or two." I felt something clench in my stomach. "Maya… As long as you're not in any immediate danger then we will not make you do anything that you don't want. But we have to think about now what is going to give you the best chance of becoming your best and healthy self."

I bit my lip and did my best not to start hyperventilating or something, a part of me wanted to break down and cry, another part scream at the top of my lungs. And another part of me wanted to grant their wishes and go to the hospital if it caused these two people in front of me less trouble than anything else.

"I think we need to make a few calls…" Mike turned the computer back so I couldn't see and pointed something out for May- Li. "…I think you most of all might need to do some thinking and sometime of your own. But I trust you to go to your room and not… not…"

"Purge." I finished the sentence for him. "Make myself barf, throw up. Whichever words or expression you want to use." Mike pressed his lips together as if to small, but it never reached his eyes. "It's fine." I stood up. "I'll just go to my room."

And with those words I hurried out of the office and up the stairs. Knowing that things were about to change- probably loads from now on. When all of my walls had just crashed around me. May- Li was right. There was no way to keep secrets around here.

 **End of flashback**

I lowered my arm and stared into the ceiling. What else was I supposed to do? There was no way to change what already was and for everything I did I would sure as hell would only make matters worse- for everybody!

The thoughts and words that had been said earlier kept spinning in my mind. And I pressed my eyes closed and clenched my fists hitting them towards my forehead as if that would hit the thoughts out of my mind. If it only was that simple.

Then there was just no way I could keep still, so I almost flew onto my feet and tried to figure anything I could do without having to keep still where all of what had been could catch me right up again.

I started pacing the few steps back and forth in the room I could take without hitting the wall- literally. I pulled up my phone almost without thinking about what I was doing. Then turned on a song, put in some earplugs and pulled them up and into my ears so I'd be the only one that could hear the music.

I hadn't exactly had any intention of starting to dance. Not even to move at all. But I was just so restless. As if I was trying to get away from the thoughts spinning in my brain I laid each palm on the sides of my head and ears, then kneeled and slowly moved upwards through the beginning of the song.

For every second I thought that I'd have to stop. That someone would hear and come to watch. That I couldn't dance anyway. But it was just that I hadn't been dancing for so long. Just when I'd started, I just couldn't stop.

It was not like I had to think about what I was doing and how I was moving. I had danced to this song a million times before and knew every single second of it to know where I would take a step, lower, rise, bow, spin. It all came without me having to think about it and when I was dancing I was left in a world of my own and it was like everything else just faded.

"You're a really good dancer you know." I hadn't heard anyone come. So when I heard a voice behind me I flinched and pulled my earplugs out of my ears just as the song had ended, then had to stop and wait for a bit until my heart rate was back to normal. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that. You should join the dance squad. We could need someone like you, most of the others are like ballet dancers and sure they're good but…" Jody grimaced where she stood in the half-opened door. "I mean it- you should. I can help you."

The memories of one of the first few days at my new school flashed by. Walking onto the stage and hearing the whispers from the people already on the team. Feeling everybody's eyes on me as I searched through my phone for the right song and was on my way to plug it into the speakers before Miss Donoghue made her voice heard before I had the time to even start the song.

" _I have to interrupt you right there."_

Well, after everything I might just as well tell Jody that too. It was true what May-Li said anyway, there was no keeping secrets in this house and I if anyone would know that.

"I did, okay? Miss. Donoghue told me you were full before I had the time to show her anything."

"Of course it's not full." Jody snorted. "We're a dance squad. It isn't exactly like there are lines with people waiting to audition. Seriously, why don't you? I can help you if you want to. Whatever you were doing right now when I came. Do that and there is no way Miss Donoghue will let you join the team whether it's full or not."

"Don't you get it?" I fizzled, all of my walls crashing down around me so to the point I could almost hear them. "She didn't say that because you were full. You even joined after I met her. But someone who looks like a monster on the squad isn't exactly the best way of winning a competition."

I gestured to my face. And for Jody it seemed to sink in why it was I hadn't joined the team from the start. I could almost see the way anger was boiling up inside of her, then suddenly she span on her heel again and hurried down the hallway, down the stairs and out the door. Slamming the door after her without a word.

"Where's she going?"

I had barely noticed it but I had followed Jody out of my and Candi-Rose's room, then down the hallway and while I hadn't even reached the stairs. I could hear the door slam and Tyler's question sounding quite confused.

"I don't know…" I barely even got what had happened until I was on my way down the stairs and Mike and May-Li coming out of the office giving me meaning glances. "…I hope she's not going to cause herself any trouble because of me."

"What do you mean because of you?"

I glanced over Mike, May-Li, Tyler and also Archie who had gone back into the office to talk to Mike and May-Li. And they all looked back in me in each weird way that sent shivers down my spine.

Well, wasn't I just the best at getting anyone and everyone into trouble anyway?

"It's a long story."

 **Song:** I see fire- Ed Sheeran

 **Random fact**

After I started this story I actually did think about changing Maya's celebrity look alike (It's Chloe East) Except she doesn't have any burns so you'll just have to imagine that. I was thinking about a girl I read a book about- Sophie Delezio. She got stuck under a car burning after it drove straight into her daycare and among other things to all the burns, lost both her feet, some fingers and one ear. As well as scars over big parts of her body. Then I realized that Maya wouldn't have been hurt that much from getting hurt by her dad and since I didn't want to change the story or anything I kept Chloe East as portrayer.


	8. Not a quitter

**Jody POV**

When I returned to the dumping ground, barely half an hour after I'd left I was still boiling with anger. And if someone would have annoyed me right then I couldn't have promised nobody would get hurt.

"Hey." Just as I came inside Mike greeted me with a bit of a surprised look on him. "I thought you went dancing. Didn't you just leave…"

"I did."

Before Mike had the time to worry about why I was back so early, or why I had brought the bag with all the things I usually had in my gym locker I hurried up the stairs and into my room where I slammed the door after me and threw the bag in a corner.

I was still boiling with anger where I paced back and forth over my bedroom floor. Maya could tell me whatever she wanted, I had seen the look in her eyes when she was telling me how she didn't even get a chance to join the dancing squad. And nobody hurt my friends like that.

At last I jogged over and hit the wall with my fist. I would have liked to hit right through the wall or hit until my knuckles bled. But I did nothing of it and was left only shaking with anger where I stood only staring into the wall until there suddenly was a knock on the door.

"Yes?"

The door opened and Tyler came in, then closed the door after him and sat down on the foot by my bed. And only watched me as if he was trying to figure out what I looked like.

"What? Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Are you angry?"

"YES." I couldn't help but shout, turned and hit the wall with my fist one more time. "And if you've got nothing better to ask or say then you can leave."

Tyler didn't leave. But from the beginning he didn't say anything at all until my angry panting had slowed down and I turned towards him. Now shaking more of exhaustion after all the anger than that I was actually angry still.

"What are you doing back already by the way? And why are you so angry? Does these two things have something to do with each other?"

"I quit."

And no matter how angry I was and how much I had wanted to punch Miss Donoghue right in the face. I had just walked straight into the mirror hall, said those two words. Gone to the locker room and packed all my things before I left. The vision of the other girls and Miss Donoghue burning in my neck until the doors had closed behind me.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I heard. But just… can you tell me again. What did you do and why are you back so early?"

"I said I quit the dancing squad."

Tyler raised an eyebrow. At first he didn't seem to know what to say. I didn't either to be honest. The anger had run off. And no matter how much I had or had not wanted to admit it. It really did suck that I had just felt like I had to quit.

"Why did you do that?" Tyler asked at last. "You loved that squad. And I could tell they liked having you there because you are one of the best dancers there. Isn't there a competition right before Christmas? A competition they used to win every year but now haven't for like ten years?" I nodded. "Well they would have easily won with you a part of the team?"

"That would be twenty…I just never thought they'd be so shallow and vain." I sighed deeply and then at last slumped down on my bed and leaned back against the wall. "I have…" Despite having just leaned back I couldn't help but quickly rise when I suddenly had an idea. "I have an idea… do you know what we should do?"

"We who?"

"You, me, Maya, Mike, everybody in this house. Do you know what we should do?"

"Join the dance squad?"

"No… We should make our own dancing squad. Our own team and apply to the same competition as the ones from school has. And then we'll beat the crap out of them all." Tyler didn't seem too sure about what I had to say. "I think there's still some time to sign up for it. And I can't wait to see the look on Miss Donoghue's face when we get a higher score than her."

I didn't let wait for Tyler's reaction anymore. Without letting wait for anything I got on my feet and tried a few moves.

"Are you sure about this Jodes?"

"Yes." I tried another step. "These are just easy ones. Everyone can do them. And then I've got some better moves." I turned a cartwheel on one hand. "And Maya's got some- I just saw her. And isn't Mike a dancer too? I'm not sure but I think someone told me about it some time. And Archie of course… and then we can have Billie and Toni on each side… come on!"

"Jody wait." Before I had the time to go anywhere Tyler grabbed me by the arm and had me turning around in the doorway. "Are you sure about this. I mean. I believe in you and everything. But…"

I couldn't help remembering what I knew Tyler was thinking about. That first time I was going to dance with Carmen and Tee. In the living room, now that was only in front of the other people in the dump and I had broken down, ran out of the room and more or less collapsed of a panic attack.

"I'm not going to freak out like that again… HOUSE MEETING IN THE KITCHEN." I turned, then hurried through the hallway and knocked on every door. "HOUSE MEETING IN THE KITCHEN."

I ran down the stairs and into the living room, kept shouting while I ran through it and into the kitchen where I jumped up to sit on the kitchen counter when there was a thunder of footsteps as everyone came rushing to the kitchen and more or less confusedly saw me and spread around the kitchen.

"What is it?"

"I didn't do anything."

"Why all the shouting?"

"Whatever it is, I didn't do it."

"I thought you went dancing."

Damn it. Did everybody know that I had started to dance?

"Yes." I answered first and showed the rest of the kids and adults in here to be quiet. "But I went home again because…" I looked to Maya- this was partly her story to tell and I didn't want to break her trust so I switched the subject. "You know the dancing competition that is held every year in the middle of December at the gym every year?" There were spread yes's and nods in the room. "Well, the team from school used to win every year. Then they stopped winning for some reason and haven't won once in twenty years. Then I came along and some of the girls and Miss Donoghue told me that if I did my thing then we could win this year but then…"

I looked to Maya. Already before I saw the way she was looking at me I knew she had figured what had made me do this and what role she had had in all of it. I didn't want her to blame herself for anything though.

"…They messed with a good friend of mine. And I don't think that's fair. And they can't just mess with MY FRIEND and get away with it. So since I knew that they wanted me on the team for the competitions I went there today and then I quit. But the thing is… I do love dancing… and I do love winning. So I thought that maybe we should make a team and join the competition. And if we do our best then… I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when we win… because we will win."

"Why?" Floss asked me. "How could you know that?"

I hesitated for a moment. I didn't want to say the wrong thing and make someone upset at this moment. But I did want them all with me on this and for that it took that everybody had faith in themselves.

"I don't. But I will try. And no matter what it takes I want to show them that WE are equals and that is why WE are better than them… Now who's with me?" I raised my hand. "Who wants to do this?" I looked around, Tyler did it first. Next to me, then Archie and Floss right after that. "Come on guys. Today if you please." I glanced over the group, looking to Maya for an extra second. But she didn't seem to know what to do.

"I'm in." Mike raised his hand while a few of the kids laughed. "What? Well, whether you believe it or not. I can actually dance."

"I'm in." Candi-Rose raised her hand. "If we're going to be a team I could figure out something for us all to wear or makeup for everything." I couldn't help but moan. "I'm sure I can figure something out that everybody will be happy with. But I can dance too. What about you Chloe?"

"I'm not so sure…"

"We can figure something out that you can do too." I said without thinking, I had no idea what we could do for her. At least not yet. But at last then Chloe raised her hand too. "What about you others?"

"I'm in."

"I'm a terrible dancer. But it could be fun. So I'm in too."

"We're in."

May-Li, Joseph, Toni and Billie were in too. Archie was trying to show Joseph a move typical for him. Joseph tried too, it didn't look too hard. But ended up falling right over and into the table.

"He's okay." Alex stated who sat right by. "And I'm with him, I'm a terrible dancer but if the rest of you are in then I… Well, I guess it could be fun." He raised his hand. More than the majority of us now had their hands raised.

Now for the rest few.

"I and Dexter are in."

"SASHA." The younger of the Bellman's protested. "I didn't say I was. And I'm a terrible dancer and you know it."

"Well so am I. And so are Joseph and Alex and I'm pretty sure at least another three in this room are. We both know you were about to answer anyway." Dexter pouted for not getting to answer on his own. But didn't protest more and raised his hand.

"I'm in too. This sounds like fun."

Two left then.

Ryan looked around on all the raised hands in the rooms. Stopping by his sister's. Seeing Chloe's right hands and glancing over her chair and everything he silently raised his hand. And so there were one left.

Maya only sat with her arms crossed over her chest and staring into the table. Then, without anyone saying another word and silently like the one who had just before her, she let her hands fall to the sides and raised one of them.

"That's everybody then." I hadn't figured what to say when May- Li stated the obvious. "Now, Jody. You go to the gym and sign us up for the competition. And the rest of you, try to figure a song we could use."

"WAIT." I interrupted before everybody had the time to run off. "We need something first. We need a name for our group… We can't just be the dumping ground kids or…" I bit my lip and thought hard. "Can any of you come up with anything?"

"The dumped dancers?"

"The dumping grounders?"

Well, Finn and Alex's suggestions we could have done without.

"It should be something with Phoenix." Then at Joseph's suggestion everybody else silent. "I mean, we are called ASHdene Ridge. And Phoenixes rises from the ashes when they're born. So it should be something with Phoenix and you know… we'll come rising from ASHdene Ridge or whatever to call it. Maybe we could find a song that suits with that too."

"Oh. And clothes." Candi-Rose was as good as jumping where she sat. "We could all wear red and yellow and orange to look like phoenixes or flames…"

"Let's just start with the name first…" I tried. "…That's not a bad idea Joseph. Not bad at all."

 **Random fact**

I need your help. I want their name to be something with Phoenix. But I can't come up with anything so pleeeeeaaaase can you suggest something in a review or send me a PM and I'll consider it.


	9. Dance dancing dancer

**I'm sorry it's been so long since I updated. I currently have a total of thirteen stories going on. Which is a bit too many and some stories end up not being updated for a while because of it. Although, this and five other stories are moving close to their endings. So those are prioritized for updates right now. The other five stories are.**

 **-How far I'll go  
-The one where rawr means I love you in dinosaur  
-Dancing in the rain  
-The little girl  
-Stranger defended **

**So I think you could expect to see some closer updates on this one and those five.**

 **And then one more thing. You know this page where I made edits and stuff for stories. Polyvore? That whole page has been taken down. So instead of that, I put up an Instagram account for fanfiction related stuff. Pictures of cla's, outfits. Updates of which chapters I'm working on… stuff like that. And if you're interested in following it and go on Instagram you can find it under the name "Linneagbfanfiction"**

 **And there, done. Onto the chapter.**

After everyone had agreed that we'd take part of the competition there were wild discussions about what we'd be called as a team. Then once we had decided there was more about what songs we should do and then even more about what we'd be dressed in. Of course we would have to come up with a color or whatever that suited the song, the dancing, and all of us.

I wasn't sure if I should be happy or not when Candi-Rose took it upon herself to sort out the clothes. Only the future would be able to tell what on earth she could come up with.

Then, after what felt like a million years I, Mike and Jody were going to the dance school and studios to sign up for the competition. After all of the discussions before we left none of us said a word on the way. Actually, none of us did until we walked up to the reception in the dancing hall and to a dark- skinned, young woman who stood on the other side.

"We'd like to sign up for the competitions in December." I said, preparing the words so I could say them all at once but then paused. "I know it was closing soon… can we still?"

"You're just in time. We were just about to close it for new applications." The woman in the reception took a sheet of paper from under the desk where all the teams were noted that were going to compete and a pencil. "Just write the title of your group there, then a phone number that we can reach you on. And also it costs fifty quid."

"FIFTY?"

It hadn't crossed my mind that there would be such a cost to this only to partake in this competition. The receptionist only glared back at me as if I was stupid. And for a moment none of us said anything.

"Well getting Augustus and Keira Rosario here for being the judges isn't exactly for free. Upon that we have Zoe Gallagher as one judge too. And then we have more costs, it's expensive and therefore you have to pay for partake. And then, if people protest against the paying we double it. So fifty or a hundred pounds? You choose."

"It's okay." Mike pulled up his wallet and pulled up a bill. "I'll pay. No problems. But maybe… we're a big group of children and adults that are signing up. Maybe somewhere here there is one of those… mirror… rooms that we could book and use and practice in once or twice a week until the competition."

The receptionist looked back at Mike, me and Jody as if all of us were stupid. Then playing with her dark, curly hair she seemed to be thinking. While I tried to get a glimpse of the name badge that was partly covered by the cardigan she was wearing over the blouse that the badge was hanging on.

I didn't mind people being rude to me. But if she was any worse now to Mike or Jody I could so checkup who was the boss here and complain to them. Why couldn't rude people just not become receptionists?

"The name is Jaida." She said before anything else when she saw me glancing towards the badge and then turned back to Mike. "There might be a lot of things and boxes stored up by the walls in the back. But at the top floor there is one of those that isn't used much. I'm sure you could use that one for free if it's good enough for you."

"I'm sure that will be fine. May we go and check it out?"

"Up the stairs, as high up as you can get. There's only one door. You can go yourselves."

Well I could always pretend that how she was treating us. And most likely all other people was enough to get to tell her boss about it and get her sacked for it.

"Hey guys." Jaida suddenly talked to someone behind us, when I turned I could see a few of the members from the school's team. "How nice to see you again? Room two as usual. Come on. I'll come with you there. Someone else can stay here and I'll come with you."

The rest of the dancing members from the school came walking in through the glass doors. And I wished that I and Jody and Mike had already gone up the stairs. Now everybody pushed their way past us and Jaida kept on talking to them. Way too loud and too nice.

I could hear several of them commenting about Jody and "Scarface" as they passed us until all of them had passed and I could hear a door close as they must have gone into the room right by the stairwell on the second floor.

"Well come on then. We'll have to start off what we're here for more than signing up. Up the stairs it was and then… dancing!"

It was first when Mike mentioned dancing again that I realized what Jaida had told us about the competition.

"The Rosario's and Zoe Gallagher." I moaned when we started moving up the stairs. "I don't think I want to partake in this competition anymore. No way I'm dancing in front of them, I'll be too nervous. I'll mess it all up."

Before anyone commented and answered me I felt Mike patting my shoulder.

"I'm sure you'll do great. We'll all do. Even all of those who said they can't dance. But about the Roses and that Chloe… Who are they? It seems you know."

"Their name is Rosario- Augustus and Keira and Zoe- Gallagher. Only like England's best dancers…. The Rosario's are sister and brother. I read in some magazine or something that they started dancing before they could walk."

Jody only shrugged, we didn't say more before we were at the top of the stairs and Jaida was perfectly right. There stood a whole lot of cleaning equipment and big speakers around everywhere. But only one door and we walked into the big dancing hall.

"Well, this looks alright doesn't it?"

Like Jaida had told us there were boxes and stuff against the back wall of the room, but the rest of the four walls in the room was covered in big mirrors. And the room was big- perfectly enough for our group to fit in and be able to rehearse in.

For a couple of minutes I, Mike and Jody only stood in a line with a couple of meters in between each of us only staring at the mirror. At least I was staring at the mirror and myself. Whatever Mike or Jody was thinking about I did not know.

"Do you have any ideas?" Mike asked all of a sudden. "And then of course. One thing we have to keep in mind is that we have to come up with something that Chloe can join in on too. With or without the wheelchair."

Everything silent again and I went through the song we had chosen in my head while I tried to see the stage in front of me to have some kind of idea about what could be done.

On the stage it would at least look nicer without a wheelchair than with it? Wouldn't it?

"What if Chloe just sat on the floor in the middle." I sat down. "And the rest of us were standing on the sides. And then at the first half of the first verse she holds up one hand and half of us comes walking in from that side and then during the second half of the verse she does the same thing but on the other side. And then on the bridge towards the refrain she holds up both of her hands and we move and move so we are standing on more different places if you get what I mean. And then during the refrain we start… well. Dancing for real. But during the whole performance Chloe is there in the middle. Of course we'll have to ask her too but… I think it could look quite nice. And then you Mike, or Ryan or somebody carries her or something out on the stage before the song starts."

"Yeah…" Mike nodded agreeing. "That does sound good. I think that's enough for now. We can rehearse it piece by piece at home and then come here once a week or so. I'll go downstairs and book it all weeks until the competitions. Come on."

A short while after we had gone through at least the first part of the song and what we could do for Chloe we were in the car. I and Jody in the back seat and Mike in the front driving and humming to himself.

"If there's one thing I like doing it's dancing." He said all of a sudden. "It might be a bit hard for you to imagine before we start even. But I'm actually a really good dancer. Now. I was wondering one thing girls. Of course, if you decide on yes then we can rearrange the room and such. But you two seem to have made great friends while Maya and Candi-Rose. Not so much… Also Jody…. I'll have to talk to you in private once we get home. Maya. I think you know what it's about…."

"I'm kind of bulimic and have been throwing up everything I've ate." I interrupted, with an as rude tone as possible. I could see where Mike was going. "And now, since we spend time together both at school and at home. You'll have to baby-sit me and make sure I don't go to the bathroom after every meal to puke."

What I said was followed by an awkward silence, I could see that Mike had turned bright red and Jody was staring at me with wide eyes. Then at Mike, and back to me.

"What?"

"Don't act so rudely Maya. You two have been great friends so far. Anyway, now you know that Jody and you two are friends. Maybe it will be better if Maya move rooms and you two share instead of you Maya, with Candi-Rose."

"I have to share a room either way so it's up to you Jody."

Jody didn't say anything first and I secretly crossed my fingers behind my leg. If I heard Candi- Rose nagging about how she wanted to do something with my hair one more time I would seriously run away. To move to share room with someone else seemed like a much easier thing to do.

"Well, I think you'd share with the Grinch rather than Candi-Rose. I don't mind sharing."

Mike chuckled and I saw Jody's mischievous smile. She obviously "liked" Candi-Rose's nagging about her hair about as much as I did. I had heard when she'd been nagging Jody too.

"The Grinch?" Mike almost shouted from the front seat. "I'll sort that out when we're back home then. You don't need any big boxes or something but you can move your things and I can come and help you to move Maya's bed. I think that if you Jody move your bed a bit towards the wall then I think we can get in that one too. And then you can move the rest of the furniture around however you want when we've moved the beds. Does that sound good to you Maya?"

I didn't even know why. But suddenly I remembered I still hadn't told Mike about the surgery I was going to have the day after the competition.

"Maya? Are you listening?"

"Yeah." I shook my head and decided to tell Mike about that some other time. "Sorry I just dreamed for a bit. That sounds good with the room. Something like that."

 **Playlist  
** Phoenix- Molly Sandén

 **I do realize in this story it sounds as if Maya and Jody are falling in love or something. I have got nothing against same-sex-couples. But Mody/ Jaya are NOT in love. They're only friends and roommates now.**

 **Augustus and Keira Rosario and Zoe Gallagher are NOT real people/ dancers. I just came up with them for the storylines.**

 **The new portrayers are**

 **Augustus Rosario- Dylan Sprayberry  
Keira Rosario- Chloe Csengery  
Zoe Gallagher- Hannah Simone  
Jaida Russell- Samantha Marie Ware **

**Random fact**

A few times I have to change it when I've written Sophie Rose instead of Candi- Rose. Sophie Rose is a character from the O. C. series. (If you're a fan and don't recognize the name- she is born at the very end of the series) And I keep writing wrong.

 **Those who review will get a shoutout.**


	10. Adding to the plans

**Guys, guys, guys, guysguys. I have finished one of the stories I was talking about would be finished soon. YAY. One down, six to go (it was supposed to be five. But I started a two-shot for Epilepsy awareness too) I don't know which one will be finished next as I don't know exactly how many chapters are left on each. But I think that "stranger defended" might be the next.**

 **Maya's mum is portrayed by Katie Eichler.**

"Well it's settled then. You, Maya will be moving into Jody's room and share with her instead of Candi-Rose. If you both want to we could rearrange the room as you both want it. Of course, the same goes as always. You cannot have your own TV or a big stereo system. But you can get some new color or wall paper. You can go to your room and do some brain storming right away- I only have to go and get the clothes I've figured for the dancing competition. But Maya, don't move your things yet. If we're going to paint the walls in your new room then you have to spend another few nights in there."

"Whatever you say, boss."

I could see Mike giving a short laugh in the rearview mirror as he turned into the driveway outside Ashdene Ridge and I and Jody unbuckled our belts.

"I'm just going to go sort something out. I have an idea for the clothes for the phoenixes."

"I thought Candi-Rose wanted to do that."

Mike peered smiling, whatever he would come up with now it was probably ugly. But for the moment I couldn't care less when I and Jody walked up to the house.

"I wonder what plans these are…" We split in the hallway to get changed and I wasn't so sure what Jody thought. But I needed some time of my own before the rest of the day. "…Whatever it is. I don't think everyone's going to like it. Especially not Candi-Rose."

Jody only nodded and sent me an agreeing look.

"And here they are." Mike dumped a bunch of bags on the kitchen table as soon as we were all gathered again. "Our clothes for the dancing competition. Our group name is "The phoenixes" and phoenixes are gold, red, orange… anyway. Five of us will be wearing all yellow, five all orange, and five all red. I already made out who will be wearing what colors and you'll have to go with that as they are bought in sizes that I have noted." He held up a piece of paper he had had in his pockets. "So… Candi-Rose."

"Please not yellow, please not yellow, please not yellow."

"Yellow."

"NO! MIKE? WHY?"

Candi-Rose was never going to shut up about this now.

"Here's yours." Mike put what he had chosen towards her again. "And… Archie…" Mike moved on not wanting to start a fight and ignored Candi- Rose. "Red ones." In difference from Candi- Rose, Archie raised a hand and boxed happily in the air while Mike handed him a red outfit. "And next… me… Red…. Maya…"

 _Please let me get the orange one._

"Orange."

I bit my lip and tried to hide my feelings when I reached out and took the orange outfit Mike reached me. And while Candi-Rose turned to Chloe to whine instead of Mike, who kept ignoring her he handed out the other red, orange and yellow outfits.

"Can you all try them on so we can check so I got the sizes right?"

Each of the outfits had a pair of tights, a knitted sweater and a pair of low converse with regular, white laces. The tights were of the athlete kind, and all the sweaters were at least a couple of sizes.

"These are adults' sizes." Archie told everybody, his red shirt hung down to his knees. "How are we supposed to dance if we can't even use our hands?" He held out his arms to the sides, the sleeves hung half a meter away from where the shapes of his fingers could be seen under the fabric.

"Just imagine them as feathers. I know they're not exactly the nicest…"

"Not the nicest?" Candi- Rose pulled her shirt over her head with a grimace. "They're the absolute ugliest."

"Come on." When I saw Mike turn to Candi-Rose to finally understand Jody came up behind me and patted my shoulder. "We don't want to see this. Let's go to our room and brainstorm about how we want it and what should be changed." I nodded before I could hesitate and came with her. Jody was right- Candi- Rose was moaning about the clothes and we had had enough of that. So I just followed Jody and within a few seconds we stood side by side in the room that would soon be both mine and Jody's.

"This room is pretty small you know…" I looked around and on Jody's bed that stood in the middle and said only because it was the first thing I could think of. "Maybe, if we want to have a dresser and a few other things and still want to be able to move in here. A bunk bed would make more space than having two single beds. Or what do you say?"

"Sure. That's a good idea. Can I have the top bunk?"

"Fine with me."

We kept on pointing back and forth, brainstorming and discussing ideas. Somehow, I wasn't sure how we decided that we'd start with painting the walls all white. And then put up frames or something so we could change it if we wanted to. Jody and May- Li went to buy paint and I went to my room with Candi- Rose to look over so I had my things gathered to move them all later.

"But don't you want to still share with me?" Candi- Rose seemed hurt. "I thought we were friends."

"We are. And you've done nothing wrong. It's just that we are so different and I and Jody are more alike and are in the same homeroom and everything. But look at the bright side. You will finally have a room of your own and can spread your things all over the room as you want… Can you leave me alone in here? There's just something I have to do."

Candi- Rose looked as if I had just broken her heart. But she did leave thankfully. When the door closed behind her I opened one of my dresser drawers and pulled out the small jewelry box I had hidden in the back. Opening it my mum's old necklace laid right under. A silver chain, with an eternity symbol, half of the symbol was covered in orange- colored gem stones.

I had really hoped I'd get any use for this ever.

Twisting the thin, silver chain in between my fingers I remembered when I was about three and dad had found this in a drawer.

" _Here… this was your mother's. Use it well."_

He had laughed. As dry and as loud as he always did when he wanted to let me know that I was as useless as he thought my mother had been.

Even my three year old self had taken the box carefully, then hid it where my dad couldn't find it and throw it away.

It had stayed hidden since then. I had never found an excuse to wear it. What if I did? What if I dropped it or broke it somewhere? I was so clumsy. I probably would.

I carefully put the necklace back in the box and hid it in the back of my underwear drawer again.

Sometimes I wished mum had been buried with that necklace, wearing her favorite piece for eternity. But then of course, my dad was in charge after her death and had chosen exactly the pieces she hated the very most.

Except for the small jewelry box hidden in my drawer I had a shoebox under my bed that I sat down on my knees and pulled out.

There wasn't much in the box, except there was a lot of things, some photos, wristbands from every single one of the surgeries I had had. A couple of cd's, a copy of Anne of the green gables, nobody had to know that was one of my favorites. And at last a framed photo of my mum holding me when I was a baby.

I reached down under all of those paper wristbands and to the frame and pulled it up. I had always kind of wanted to hang or put the photo standing somewhere. But I had never really gotten to do it. Sharing room, or bullies or whatever was the reason for me not to- I had never done it.

It was said that revenge was never the answer. But I would do anything to get revenge on my dad for what he had done. But then… he was already in prison. And what could a person do to get revenge for killing someone.

The thought hit me like a train.

Of course, telling dad I hated him, insult him or cutting him completely out of my life wouldn't help. He already thought I was useless and he'd only get back at me.

I would have to do the exact opposite and so to speak- be the bigger person. And do my best I wasn't as usual as he thought I was. Show him that I had managed to get a life despite him trying to take it from me.

I laid the things back in the shoebox and pushed it in under my bed again. Then quickly got onto my feet and hurried down the stairs. I knew exactly how I wanted this to go!

"Mike?" I knocked at the already opened door and Mike looked up from his computer work. "I'm just wondering something. I was thinking… maybe it's possible. I'd kind of like… well… not like exactly but… I guess it would be cool if my dad could come watch the competition. I'd kind of liked it if he was there."

Mike raised an eyebrow in surprise. I couldn't blame him- if I was him then I'd expect myself not ever wanting to see my dad again. He had tried to kill me four times after all. Not succeeding any of the times but still.

" _I would just kind of like to prove to him that I managed to make a life despite everything he did to me, said to me and called me."_

I couldn't say what I thought. But something in Mike's eyes looked as if he might understand anyway.

"I'll see what I can do." He told me. "I'll do it right away before I can have the time to forget. Do you want to be here for the calls to the social services? I have to call them first." I hesitated, then shook my head. "Well. I'll come and get you when I know something. I can't promise you anything but I can promise I'll do my best." He grabbed the phone and did something on the computer. I nodded and turned. I was way too nervous about this to hear what Mike was saying.

Archie came from the other direction when I came out of the office. He had barely even been able to look me in the eyes after he told the secret I had asked him to keep. But I wasn't so sure if I should hate him for it or not. After all, he was too little to really know what had been going on. And I didn't quite want to accept to myself that he had done the right thing.

"Maya's quite a mystery though. Isn't she? She's practically told us nothing about herself."

When I walked by the living room, where many of the others were I could hear them talking. I recognized Tyler's voice talking, and silently, so that no one would hear me took a few steps closer to the door so I could hear what they were saying.

"And she doesn't have to." I heard Jody's voice. "Maya's private life is just that- private! Just like all of ours."

"When she doesn't tell us anything…" That was Candi-Rose. "…We're bound to wonder though. Not even I know anything and I've shared a room with her since she got here."

I didn't answer or even show them I was there. But it did sound like it was most of the others, if not all of them who were in the living room and I knew It wouldn't stop right there.

"Jody's right." That was Finn's voice- he was always so kind. "Maya's our friend. We're supposed to want her to feel good and if she doesn't feel good telling us anything then that's the way it is. She's one of us- we've all been through more or less terrible things. That's why we're here. But I wouldn't like people talking about me behind my back like this. We should just leave her be."

I couldn't help but to feel grateful that Finn was in there, some people thought he was stupid for having Down's syndrome and not being able to talk properly or fast. But he really did say the best things sometimes and almost always he was right.

"There is just one thing I'm wondering about…" I knew that tone in Joseph's voice when it started again and I suppressed a sigh. "I wonder where those scars come from. They look kind of like burn scars but I'm not sure…" I was tired of waiting, stepped into the living room and he silent. "…Sorry. We were only wondering."

"My dad threw a kettle of boiling oil over me- that's what happened."

For a second I was about to tell all of the others about the earlier times. That dad had broken the breaks of the car and then my toddler car seat before mum went away and how mum died but I ended up in just the part of the car that wasn't all mashed. How when nine months later he had cut my whole arm open, thought that it would be too late and then taken me to the hospital and claimed that I had gotten in the way while he was chopping onions. Or how he had fed me peanuts when I was three and pretended he had given me chocolate he didn't know was peanuts in. And not remembered until I stopped breathing from an allergic reaction.

Then when each time had failed so far…

Well. It was at the burns someone at the hospital had finally understood that what dad had been doing weren't just accidents. And after not much time dad had been taken to prison, and I had been taken into care.

But I was still scarred for the rest of my life wasn't I?

Instead of telling all the others. I just decided I didn't want to, turned around and hurried up the stairs and into the room that still belonged to me and Candi-Rose.

One would think I was used to the thought about what my dad had done by now. One would think I was used to hearing people whispering behind my back about what I looked like and wondering about what.

But as I felt tears rise in my eyes I knew that I would never get used to it at all.

 **Random fact**

I have downloaded the edit from Polyvore the edit with what Maya and Jody's room look like. It's just that it's wrong because there are pink sheets for the-one-who's-not-Maya since I originally planned for Maya to keep sharing with Candi- Rose. I don't think Jody would right sheets that are white and light pink… Anyway. I'll sort it out and change it somehow and then a picture with the things will be up on my Instagram page "Linneagbfanfiction" and so will also the pictures of the clothes and what characters wear what color for the dancing competition.

I have also found what the clothes for the competition looks like. They will be up on Instagram as well.

 **Those who review will get a shoutout.**


	11. Room for two, please

**A big THANK YOU to CharlieSmarts12 for getting caught up in the story and leaving many reviews.**

 **Sorry, this is a boring filler- chapter with a lot of conversation. I hope you can stand it anyway.**

 **I made an edit with things that will be in Jody and Maya's room while Polyvore was still up. Then, when it was taken down I downloaded all my edits so I still have it. It will be posted on my Instagram "Linneagbfanfiction" if anyone wants to see it. From the beginning I had planned to Maya and Candi-Rose to still share room. So one of the covers-sets there are ones that Candi-Rose would like. I have covered them up and you don't need to care about them.**

 **I don't know which years and everything is set in. But let's say this is set in 2017, it makes the most sense with when the story was started. And if I'm wrong it sucks but I kind of need a date so we'll just have to act like it's 2017.**

"I have to say though… some things about this place ain't so bad." I stood in the middle of the room that would soon be my and Jody's. "I don't know where else you could get all stuff moved out of a room and then all the walls and everything painted in only one day." I scratched the back of my head and looked around. "It feels like my whole life has changed since only when school ended on Friday and that's not even forty eight hours ago. Then, tomorrow when we get home we can just about put everything in place again and all because there are like a million people living here."

"Do you remember May- Li said she'd take us into town tomorrow afternoon to check if we can get something for this room? And to quote- you can't have your own TV or something. But your own sheets and maybe something to put on the walls. Or have you forgotten about that?"

"No. I remember that." I looked around. "But Mike said we already had a bed, right?"

"Yeah. He did… Sometimes when I have the chance of getting new stuff I pay a visit to a thrift shop. Maybe we should do so after school on Monday. There you can usually find a lot of great things, stuff that is as good as new- but a lot cheaper. Maybe we should go…"

I didn't say it right then- but probably about ninety percent of everything I owned were from thrift shops. Where else could you find perfectly useable clothes for only a couple of quid each?

With as much money as I could have ever had put away and saved I knew that the moment I turned sixteen and was out of the care-system I could be able to provide for myself and make an alright living.

"We have got an old dresser up in the attic as well." Mike was just coming up behind us. "It's just about the same dark- brown as that bunk bed. And it's split in half with three drawers on each side so you could both use it. It will save some more space with only one dresser instead of two, maybe you could use that for a desk or something else you could need."

"I think… yeah. Well, considering we are both in school and this is a house full of people maybe a private desk for us both could be a good thing…" I hesitated but Jody still nodded agreeing. "…I always found thrift shops quite interesting. Maybe we could go to that big one downtown and then just… see if we find something."

"All of the others can just keep painting here." Mike smirked slightly. "If everything was going to be painted white anyway we might as well get the rest done. I can come with you into town so you won't have to take anything with you on the bus or something."

I did like going to thrift shops. It was just that for the last couple of years I had literally never gotten any money, except possibly for my birthday in March, which I'd usually saved up. I might be a kid in care- but one day I would no longer be and I did want to have some money to use at the moment I was chucked out of the system when having turned sixteen.

Mike was able to provide us with some though, my allowance here was bigger than I could remember having before. So with my money, upon some Jody had, upon some Mike was able to provide us with we did go to the big thrift shop right one block from the main street downtown and at first went straight into the big back room where they had furniture.

I realized as we came there- they had loads more than what they had had the last time I was here.

"There's a desk…" I pointed after searching for a bit. "It looks as if it's just about the same color as the bed. But it doesn't have any drawers or anything…"

"I think that's okay. We'll just have to work somehow with folders or shelves or stuff like that. It's quite a nice one. It looks brand new and yet it's only ten quid."…

Our discussions back and forth during that day continued for almost two hours after we did find that desk that we ended up getting along with a dark des chair and a couple of other things. Among them two sets of sheets with galaxy- prints. Thankfully we also did make it without any actual fights which I knew wouldn't have been possible with some others.

"Look at these."

"I only heard about these." I took the cardboards with the wall stickers Jody held up. "I think they're only glued to the wall somehow but I mean… look at them. We need those don't we." I couldn't help to agree, but before I could say anything I pulled up all the money I had from my pocket- it wasn't much I could say. "We'll have to find a way to afford these…"

"Maya. Can you come with me over here?" I heard Mike behind me right then. "I think you'll like this one over here."

He didn't show me anything in particular when I came over. But he had seemed to have heard that I and Jody were running out of money.

"Act like you found more money in your pockets." Mike pushed down some bills into my hand. I'm actually not supposed to pay for things out of my own pocket like this. But don't tell anyone or everybody are going to want something." I nodded getting what he meant. "I want you to have those, and I think you're worth them after everything you're doing with getting us all together into this competition and everything."

"Thanks Mike." I looked over the shelves with paintings and looked out two with a poem on. "Oh, those are nice. Hey Jody… I counted my money a bit wrong. I had more than I thought at first."

I could see on the look on her face she realized Mike had given me some. But she didn't comment on it and soon we had collected everything we might need. And then, the next evening as I and Jody once again stood in the middle of the room and looked around for every single detail of what our new room looked like.

The walls were all painted white, but with the black picture- silhouettes of full size- people in different dance moves, and two framed pictures with text of a poem- half the poem on one and the other one right next to it, a big, black lamp hanging from the ceiling and each small lamp screwed up on the wall by each of our beds. A bunk bed in dark brown, both of our sheets with galaxy prints, a dark brown wooden desk, a dark- colored leather rolling chair, a dark- brown dresser which we could use half each, and at last a blanket with another galaxy- print and a picture of a dream catcher.

"I haven't been thinking about it before. But you really like galaxy pattern, don't you Maya?"

I looked down on what I was wearing, my tights, sneakers and beanie cap all had galaxy prints. The sweatshirt I was wearing had a print of Mickey Mouse- but yeah. Jody did have a point.

A couple of framed photos stood on top of the dresser, one of them being a photo I had had. Of a road continuing ahead of the camera and the person taking the photo, away over some hills and almost looking as if it disappeared into the mountains and the multi- colored skies in the background.

"Yeah. I just really like the way it looks."

Well that wasn't the whole truth was it?

"I used to dream when I was younger…" When I and Jody both got changed into our pyjamas for the night I had thought about it back and forth and at last decided to just tell what it was with me and galaxy prints. "That I'd run along that road in that picture… I'd just run and run and run and at the end of the road when I'd reach those mountains my feet would just lift from the ground and I would float and just fly away from everything, from the road, from the world- out towards the open skies and outer space and… to have a lot of stuff with galaxy patterns were sort of parts of those dreams- I know it's not that simple but… I never really grew out of those dreams…" I folded up my clothes and laid them in a neat pile on the floor. Jody didn't answer for a while, then at last- while I moved to pull the covers over me and I heard her do the same she said something at last.

"Those are nice dreams."

"Yeah…"

Now when I'd finally told someone about it I wasn't so sure if I'd done the right thing. Maybe Jody actually didn't care at all- maybe nobody did.

"I hadn't been in care for too long before my mum and my brothers came back for me." I suddenly heard from the top bunk. "I went to live with them and at first it seemed great but… people don't really change… And then he came back once more- only one of my brothers that time and only a little while ago and… Once again I thought he'd changed. And in those works I could have burned to death if it wasn't for Tyler… While Kingsley had just run away not to get in any trouble with the police or anything."

"Oh…" It had slipped out before I could stop it. "Jody I… I don't know what to say." I tried to shut out the pictures of fire and an older brother running away. "I'm so sorry…"

Jody didn't answer at first. And for a while we only laid there, I could hear she hadn't fallen asleep. And I just couldn't get myself to close my eyes and relax.

"There's a great thing about the dumping ground you know…" Jody sounded thoughtful when she said something at last. "I mean- we all come from different histories of different kinds of families. Yet we're kind of made into one and there's always someone who understands something of what you've been through."

 _Really? Understand? Did someone else here have a parent who tried to kill them multiple times?_

I didn't speak out loud what I was thinking. It was not Jody's fault anyhow. No need to take it out on her.

"See you tomorrow. At least I will be trying to sleep now. But, now when our room's finished. Maybe tomorrow we could put some more concentration into what we should do for the choreography on the competition. Because we're going to have to figure that too sooner or later…"

I could hear Jody moving and getting into a more comfortable position, then. Almost right away her breaths started getting slower and deeper as she fell asleep. More carefully and quietly, not to wake her up I turned and tried too. But I just couldn't get myself to relax.

Thoughts were spinning in my head, and once again- like it would each and every time I was left alone and almost relaxed I suddenly remembered that I still hadn't told any adult or anyone at school I would have more surgery in December.

 _Sometime tomorrow I will have to remember to tell Mike or May- Li._

That thought didn't last for long though. Maybe inside I knew deeply I was just going to forget again. That surgery was just another such normal thing for me I kept on doing that.

And the thought was forgotten all of a sudden. When I suddenly hit me sometime within the nearest couple of days Mike might get an answer from the prison and the social services whether my dad could or could not come and watch us on the competition.

It had been years since I met my dad the last time, and after everything I didn't get why I had ended up wanting him there.

It was just I wanted to show him somehow I had managed to get my own life even though he had done everything to take it from me.

But I didn't get why I would want that. Maybe I should just forget he had ever existed. Maybe that would be the best for him, unlike making sure he got out of where he would be stuck for the next fifteen years.

I was pretty sure what I was thinking could keep anyone awake.

It was just that I was used to them.

And somewhere in them all I fell asleep.

 **The photo described is the cover photo for this story. It's shot in Lofoten Islands, I don't remember exactly where, but I know we stop and shot it a night we were going to see the midnight sun. And if you haven't been in Lofoten islands, or haven't seen the midnight sun- that's something for the bucket list. It is amazing! I've been to Lofoten loads of times since it's where my mum comes from, but I can just never get enough of it and it's one of my favorite places in the world.**

 **Random fact**

I know this is only a filler and actually very boring. But things should start finally moving again from the next chapter. Then I should be able to get the rest of the chapters up quite fast. Not promising anything but there is a chance, and I'm only having trouble with this part right here and then I've got the rest of the story planned out.

 **I'd say there are three or four chapters left of this story now.**

 **Those who review will get a shoutout.**


	12. Damned if I do

**Hello! I just wanted to tell you that I just finished the second one of the stories that I told you about earlier. This time I finished one called "stranger defended" that have been quite slow and boring to write. Still I wanted to finish it and I'm so happy and relieved I finally did.**

 **Thank you CharlieSmarts12 for reviewing.**

"No Alex. It goes like this. How many times do I need to show you?"

The whole the dumping ground- group had gone to the dance studios one regular Sunday afternoon. Chloe we had decided what was going to be her part in the choreography sat on the floor towards what would be the front of the stage and we stood in a group. I and Jody and Mike- who were the best dancers stood behind her, then a mix of the others to her left, and the last others to her right.

The first part of the song was quite simple, Chloe held up her right hand and the group from her right came walking onto the stage also, while walking with special dance moves until they, after the first four lines of the songs kneeled and looked down while Chloe let her right hand fall and raised her left hand, and the other group did the exact same as the ones on the right had done until they too kneeled.

During the bridge towards the refrain Chloe raised both of her hands and the groups started dancing together. I, Jody and Mike didn't come in until in the refrain when I and Jody turned each cartwheel towards the front of the side while Mike held out his arms as if doing a move to push us.

And then it was time for us all.

That's the part where everybody got it right except for Alex, and he was right in front of me to see it.

"What?"

Alex seemed annoyed. If I had been thinking about him for a moment I would have seen it. But this was the hundredth time he'd done it wrong and the hundredth time I had mentioned it hoping he could get it right next time.

"I did it right this time. I'm sure I did."

"No you didn't. I saw you, it goes like this." I showed him. "And for the hundredth time you still go like this." I pretended to move all of my limbs weirdly and clumsily and wrong as Alex did. "And you have to get it right. Everybody else are. And believe me. If anyone does it wrong at the competition, the judges are going to see it. Everyone. Start over again. And Alex, get it ri…" I hadn't been able to finish the sentence when suddenly there was a loud cellphone's signal going through the room. "You have got to be kidding me. I told everybody to turn their phones off and I did it for a reason."

Mike pulled up the phone from his pocket, checked who it was, then grimaced slightly and ran out of the room while he picked it up.

I couldn't hear who he was talking to in the short seconds before he was out the room, but it just gave me such a weird feeling.

"I can't get it right when you keep changing your mind about how we're doing it every time."

"No I'm not. And everybody else are doing it right. Except for you."

"BUT HOW…"

"ENOUGH." May- li broke up the discussion. "That's enough you two. For now we'll just wait for Mike to come back, and all of you- QUIET. And when he comes back…"

She didn't finish the sentence. But held up a warning finger when Alex was about to say something and continue. Then at last, all of us fell silent. And that for the next five minutes while we waited for the Mike to come back.

All of a sudden, like many times a day even though I kept on forgetting about it- I figured I had still not told Mike about the surgery I was having later this year.

But just as I thought I got other things to being occupied with when Mike came back into the room, pushed his phone back into his pocket, stopped where he stood and glanced over the whole group. Mike somehow always knew the right things and I hoped that he could find another way to teach Alex the right steps.

"Maybe it would be for the best if we call it a day and go home."

"NO." I had shouted before I had the time to stop myself. "We need to practice. Only a couple of weeks is left before the competition and we need to practice. And ALEX NEEDS TO GET IT RIGHT."

I didn't mean to shout, I was just so damn frustrated.

"I AM."

"NO YOU'RE NOT."

"DON'T START IT AGAIN." May- Li interrupted. "THAT'S ENOUGH. WE'RE ALL GOING HOME NOW."

I kept glaring at Alex, and he the same towards me. But obviously we couldn't keep on doing this if May- Li would keep on interrupting and still, while we all got downstairs and into our minivan. I didn't say a single word, and neither did anyone else of us.

The people of the dumping ground had probably never been as silent as during the way home that day. People were just either grumpy, too tired or just not speaking until Mike shouted back when we were almost back.

"Maya. Can you come with me into the office when we come home please?"

I froze in the position while Mike pulled over in front of the house I was knowing so well by this time. The office? What did he want? Usually when I heard that I had done something wrong and once again I had to change care homes. I had been at different homes in half of England by now. And never more than a few months until now.

"What did I do?"

I couldn't force away the shiver in my voice.

It was just that whether I wanted to admit it or not I quite liked it at Ashdene Ridge. And I couldn't remember any other place that had ever felt as much as it did right here after only having been here for a few weeks still.

It wasn't about Alex was it? It was just that I wanted to get everything right before the competition.

"That call I picked up…" Coming into the office I closed the door after us and Mike turned to me. "Hey… It's okay. You don't have to be afraid… Breathe Maya… Come sit down…" Mike sat down on his chair and I in the couch in the corner. "You haven't done anything wrong. I'm not about to give you a lecture or yell at you. While you weren't very nice to Alex today I know this competition is very important to you. And I'm going to ask you to act calmer and more respectful. Not everybody are as good dancers as you, me and Jody. Therefore yelling might not help them to get it right. Okay?"

"Yes."

I gave a slight nod, of course I knew all of that. But like he did say this competition felt very important to me and all social skills just seemed to disappear when I was just so frustrated.

"Now. That call I had to answer to was from old mountain security center. Does that sound familiar to you?"

I gave another nod.

"Stupid name for a prison right? It sounds like something that should be nice. And whatever it is I want for my dad… never mind. What did they say?"

"I do know you asked for your dad to come to the competition and watch us. As you know there's about an hour and a half's drive and your dad is also very closely monitored at whatever he does. In the prison or outside."

"That's what happens when you try to murder a kid."

"…And they've been talking to your dad about it." Mike ignored my mutter. "Agreeing that him, along with two guards can come and watch us on the competition. And if I got this right, he has said that he actually wants to do it."

I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow- wanted to? My dad wouldn't want to do anything that wouldn't be fun for him. Such as drinking or hanging out with his friends. Or rather- coming up with new ways to kill me.

Shivers went down my spine, and I suddenly understood somehow that this was going to become real. That we were going to the competition in the middle of December, dad were coming to watch us and the next day I had surgery.

"Like I just said there will be two guards with him." Mike tried to calm me down when I still hadn't spoken a single word. "Depending on how he's acting he might or might not be wearing handcuffs. He'll be wearing normal clothes and not one off those orange overalls. Most likely he'll be wearing like sweatpants and a jacket or something similar to that. Those guards won't leave his sides…" Mike laid a hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to be afraid Maya. When your father comes along he will not get a single chance of hurting you. And if he as much as tries he will be taken straight back to jail. We're also all here for you if you need anything…"

And then once again.

"You don't have to be afraid."

"I'm not." I shook Mike's hand off my shoulder. "And if I was, if I didn't want him there I wouldn't have asked for it. I just want him there… I haven't seen him for so long… it's a bit hard to explain. But we need to practice now. We need to get it right."

 _I'm not…_

Mike heard my words and I did my best to cover whatever I was feeling up. I barely knew what it was myself.

But I also knew that Mike had worked with children for most of his adult life, and I knew he was a people- person.

Through that I did know that no matter how much I tried to hide what I was feeling he could read me like an open book.

 **I hope that ending makes any sense.**

 **I actually use a name generator for name for the prison, names for schools and such. It can also give names for characters even though I prefer to come up with those myself. And it is fantasynamegenerators. Com if you're interested in using it.**

 **The song they're using is Phoenix by Molly Sandén. Listen to it. It's a great song.**

 **Random fact**

If I could dance I might have been able to try some dance steps and describe them more. But I can't dance and I'm happy with how I made it.


	13. Damned if I don't

I actually had planned to tell Mike at about a million different moments that I would tell him I had surgery the day after the competitions. But then, suddenly it was Sunday for the competitions, all of the Phoenix's members sat in a group around the hallways of Newcastle's dancing studios. There were more teams further down the hallway and then a number of other teams spread around the building.

I really had planned to tell Mike about the surgery…

But as we stood and sat around I suddenly realized I still hadn't.

"I hate these clothes." Archie, one of the smallest in our group moaned. "I can barely even move without falling." May- Li had folded up the slacks of his and some of the others' pants so they wouldn't stumble on them.

"I'm with Archie." Candi-Rose said. "I hate yellow."

"You guys…" That was May- Li and I could hear on her voice she was trying to lighten the mood among us. "This dancing isn't about the clothes we're wearing or what color they are. It's not even about doing every little step right or about winning. Nothing else matters if we, together get out there on that stage and do our best and have as much as we can."

"Speaking about getting out there…" Alex moaned. "…When on earth do these competitions start actually? We've been here for like hours. What are we waiting for?"

I was about to answer that people were finding their parking space still outside, and that most of the people that were coming to the auditorium (that filled up had room for a thousand people) were already here. And that it was still twenty minutes before the school's team would get up and of the twelve teams competing, we were on place nine to show ourselves.

But once again suddenly the thought that I needed to tell Mike about the surgery hit me. When I realized I'd forgotten it again I knew I had to tell him. Or what was I supposed to do tomorrow? Run away? I stood up from the stairs I sat on and walked up to Mike.

"Hey Maya. Are you okay?" I tried to start to talk but my throat was dry and I could hardly get any sound out. "Are you nervous?" He patted my shoulder. "You don't have to be. You're a great dancer. We've been working and practicing, practicing, practicing. And I do get that your nervous about your dad being here but he won't get any chance to hurt you. I promise."

"Actually Mike." I finally got some sound out. "There's something I have to tell you." Mike frowned and I saw Joseph coming up. "Actually, can we go just… I just need to talk to you in private." Mike nodded, told Joseph to wait and followed me around the corner. "I'm okay, okay but there's just something I've been meaning to tell you but I kept forgetting. Well… today is Sunday."

"Did you call me out to tell me what day of week it is?" Mike raised an eyebrow but I could tell he knew there was something more up. "No Maya. I don't think you did… Come on. You know you can tell me anything. Even if you did something wrong."

"So what if I did something wrong?"

It wasn't exactly doing something wrong. It was just that I still hadn't told him I was having surgery soon, very soon- tomorrow.

"Well then I might be disappointed. Or maybe even angry. But I won't hit you and I won't kick you out of Ashdene Ridge and I will not start yelling at you. And yes, I do sometimes yell at the kids and I know you know that but I do not do that to a child who's never done anything wrong before."

My stomach clenched. After all the times he'd let me know that I could come to him with anything and I had kept secret the most important.

"You know a while ago I had a letter from the hospital?" Mike nodded and was about to say something. "No, let me speak. The thing is before I came to Ashdene Ridge I was at the doctor's and had some tests and now I'm- for like the billionth time in my life going to need surgery." Mike nodded slightly. "But I kind of forgot to tell you about it…"

"When is it?"

I could already now see a disappointed glance in Mike's eyes. And I could only imagine how disappointed he felt when it turned out one- any of his kids hadn't trusted him with something like this.

"Tomorrow."

Mike rubbed his forehead but didn't say anything. For what must have been at least a full minute we only stood eye to eye without saying anything before I decided to start explaining some things.

"It's not major surgery or anything. Just a skin transplant where they move skin from my hip to my hands and to my face to reduce the scars. And as I'm growing, since my skin is so scarred it doesn't stretch as it should and then I need transplants. I'll need to be at the hospital at seven in the morning and I will be put to sleep with narcosis for doing this. But I don't worry really- I've done this so many times before."

"Can…" Mike sighed deeply. "…Oh. Chloe? Can we talk a bit more in a minute?" I nodded, knowing I had really disappointed Mike. "Don't worry I can come and help you now." He walked away from me and I was left with my cheeks burning red and tears burning behind my eyes.

And as if Mike wasn't enough….

"Look! No handcuffs."

I froze at the moment my father's voice went through the hallway of the dance studios. I could spot Mike watching me where he stood and while I sunk down to sit on an abandoned loudspeaker that stood right behind me.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." I heard another voice, this one with a calmer and steadier tone and I'd guess it was a guard coming with him. "We've still got them you know. And if you start acting up then we've got our rules. So you better behave now."

"So you better behave now." Father copied in a silly voice. "Don't worry. I'm only here to watch my daughter. And who was it she was dancing with? I can't wait to see it anyway. I haven't seen her in years."

 _I am not your daughter._

Just as I thought that my father, accompanied by a guard on either side of him came around the corner. And at that very second he was looking straight towards me and his eyes met mine. Along with a smirk from his side, I sat up straight and refused to look away.

"Is that the way to meet your daddy?" Once close to me, father stopped right in front of me. The guards didn't do anything to stop him, but on the look in their eyes when they saw me I could see them being ready to do what they had to if father in any way tried to hurt me. "What are you doing?" He reached out is arms towards the sides. "Come over and give your old man a hug."

I didn't move for several seconds. Then, when I sensed something moving behind me I turned around and could see Mike coming up behind me. He didn't look happy, but this time he looked not happy towards father and not towards me. When I turned to father again I felt Mike's comforting hand on my shoulder from behind.

Then I took a step back- away from father, towards Mike and the others. And I could feel everyone around me watching me by the burning in my neck.

"What? You can't even give me a hug?" Father let his arms fall down towards his sides again and took a step closer to me. I saw the two guards, behind him but on either side ready to make a move if they had to. "Relax, relax. I'm just standing here talking to my daughter…"

"Come on now Nicholas." The guard who had until now kept silent said with an apologetic look towards me. "Let's go find our seats."

Father didn't look as if he had any plans to get away from me, but he obeyed and the three made their way in the opposite direction from me and into the auditorium.

And that was the first time I got the feeling I really didn't want to do this.

"Are you okay?" I heard Mike ask behind me as he rubbed my shoulder with my thumb. I forced away the tears rising in my eyes and nodded. "I would tell you that you don't have to do this. But it's a bit late for that now."

I really didn't want to do this. But I couldn't let my team down.

I wanted to turn around and run. Run far, far, far away.

But how could I run from what I was feeling?

And whatever would dad say and think when I wasn't on stage? I might not be there to hear it but no matter how much I kept on telling myself I didn't. I did care what he thought- how else had I ended up throwing up after every meal what felt like just yesterday?

Speaking about those eating disorders only having heard him talking now made me want to throw up.

"The competition is just about to start." A voice went through the loudspeakers through the building. "All dancers join your groups and meet in the hallway by the left side curtains of the stage. Everybody else please find your seats. Good luck."

Now it was really too late to chicken out.

One of this place's own teams were starting off the competition with some sort of mixture of ballet and street dance. Or so I would think at least, we couldn't see the other competers dance but with the music…

I wasn't looking towards anything in particular before I saw Jamie Conrad from the school's team in a corner of the room looking with a smirk towards us.

It wasn't until she noticed I was looking at her she moved at all. Then I saw her glancing over her whole group. Down to my left where Chloe sat and then to my right where Mike was. Still with a look on her face as if she was a million times better than us she said something to her coach and then came over to us.

"Look at this. Both Scarface and Cripple- on ONE team."

 _Scarface again? Really? She couldn't come up with anything better?_

"And this old fatty." She snorted before Mike had the time to say anything. "Oh, this will be fun. I wish I could see it too."

Without anything else she threw her head and span around so her long, blonde hair flew right into my face and then walked back to the school's team where she and her friends started giggling and whispering something while they were still sending looks towards me, Chloe, Mike and our whole group. I could see their coach also laughing with them…

"Damn, I want to beat them so bad."

"Are those from your school?" Mike asked me and I knew right away what he was onto. "Is that the way they're acting at school too? Do they call you things like that?"

"It's okay Mike. I'm used to it."

"Me too." Chloe agreed. "We just have to go on and live with it. "There's someone like that everywhere. There's nowhere… really Mike. It's okay."

"It shouldn't be." Mike said stiffly. "You shouldn't have to get used to it." The school's team left, being the third team that was going up on the stage. "We will have to talk more about this. But please, with problems- about bullying or anything. Can you tell me?"

I didn't dare promise him anything. I would just end up breaking the promise anyway.

And once again the feeling hit me that I didn't want to do this. That I just wanted to get out of this building and run for my life.

But then there was that tiny voice in the back of my head. Saying I was strong enough to do this. Saying that if I didn't then I'd never be able to show myself out in the world again.

Saying that if I didn't I wouldn't be able to show neither father nor anyone else that I was stronger than them.

 **Jamie Conrad looks like Miranda McKeon**

 **Random fact**

The title of this chapter of the last before this. "Damned if I do." And "Damned if I don't" is probably one of my favorite sayings ever. I have heard it a bit here and there now, but the first part I can remember hearing it is during "shake it out" by Florence and the Machine (glee series' cover) And I just love that song and everything. And with this too, I think it's going to have something to do with the rest of the story. It would suit I think… Hmmmm… Anyway, listen to the song- it's beautiful.


	14. Never forget, always forgive

**I haven't started the chapter yet when I'm writing this. But I think it's only this chapter and then one more chapter left.**

"And the winners are…."

Zoe Gallagher- one of the judges who were at this dancing competition now stood at the front of the stage. The other two judges, Keira and Augustus Rosaria stood on either side of her and along the stage it was crowded with people of the five teams that had been chosen as the best ones. Including us from the dumping ground, and a group from a school about an hour away if I'd remembered it right.

And now our team stood on one side, and the one from the school at the other. There were two other teams but…

"…THE PHOENIXES."

"YES."

For me it took a few moments to understand that we had actually won. After just a few weeks of practicing, and some hating on the school's team we actually did it. And Jody's shout was the loudest out of all. Before she took the trophy and then handed it to me.

"This is thanks to you Maya. You should hold it for the photo."

"You're only winning because people pity you."

Before I knew it we were back in the hallway behind the stage. The school's team had come second which certainly wasn't bad. But not good enough for Jamie Conrad or their coach and I saw a lot of the other people of the team sending hateful glares towards our direction. But Jamie was the one who made her voice heard above everybody else's.

"What?"

"Oh you heard me very well." Jamie looked as hateful as ever looking straight at me and slowly came walking closer while every phoenix and every member of the school's team silent and turned towards her. "I said- you only won because people pity you. And why wouldn't they? On one team you have Scarface." She glared as hatefully as ever towards me and then glanced at Chloe. "And miss Cripple…"

"Hey." Suddenly I had Ryan too by my side. "Don't you dare call my sister something like that."

"Or what?" Jamie snorted. "You're all a bunch of care kids. Why would I be afraid of you? Hey Ryan?" She blinked, flirting towards Ryan and threw with her head so Ryan had to take a step back not to get her long, blonde hair right in his face. "What?"

Ryan only glared back towards Jamie. She may be thinking he was the best thing under the sun or something. But that didn't mean he would give in to her and she certainly hadn't helped herself calling his sister a cripple.

Which she seemed to be realizing.

"Well then." She threw with her head again so her hair fell down towards her back again. "I don't time to stand here anyway But whether you believe it or not. We all know it. You only won because the judges as everybody else pity you."

"HEY." I heard behind you, turned my head and found Augustus Rosario- one of the judges. "That's not true." He came closer and faced Jamie. "If you want to know. I, my sister and Zoe all loved the Phoenixes' performance. If this… care kids part is true…" He glanced towards me and I nodded. "Well. We didn't even know about it so we certainly didn't use that. But more than just the dancing steps and nice moves count when we go through all the teams and who should be the winners. You lot, had some obstacles…" He glanced towards Chloe. "But instead of putting her or another member out of the group you made something out of it and it turned into something beautiful. Maybe all in your group didn't have the best dance moves or techniques. There was one mistake here, another one there- but you just continued as if nothing happened. And that…" Augustus turned back up to Jamie who looked as if she was about to kill someone. "Is worth more than any perfect pirouettes or nice technique."

It wouldn't have surprised me if smoke had started bursting out of Jamie's ears as she stomped her foot like a five- year- old. Her face was bright red as she pouted angrily and everyone of the dumping ground AND the judges had stood up against her.

She was used to getting her own way…

I didn't want to see what happens next.

I backed away slowly and hoped no one would follow me. Coming to the point where the hallway split in two like a hallway like a crossroad I looked around and made sure nobody followed me. Before I opened the first door I knew there was a mirror dance room behind and slipped into it and closed the door behind me.

I'd never know what made me do it. But at that moment something seemed clear, I pulled up my phone from my pocket. Plugged it into a speaker and put a song on before I got onto the middle of the floor and started dancing.

 _Regrets collect like old friends_

I barely even knew what I was doing, all of a sudden I was just moving. I didn't notice the music or that I was moving to the rhythm. All that I knew was in my own head and the music around me.

I certainly didn't notice anybody else coming into the room and started watching me.

 **Flashback**

"AND UP NEXT. THE PHOENIXES."

When Augustus Rosario shouted into the speakers only one lamp above the stage was turned on.

The one over the middle of the stage. Chloe had sat down on the floor and pushed herself over the floor as good as she could until she sat right under the late before the rest of the lights over the stage were turned on and we all- dressed in yellow, red and orange made our way out on the stage.

When I'd stopped on my spot there was a split moment before the music started. And before it did, as discreetly as I could I gazed over the whole audience. Or what little I could see of them in the dark.

Somewhere in all of that sat my father. Way too near me for the first time in years.

And after the last time I'd met him I'd had so many OCD's about food I'd turned to binging and purging so how on earth would this time go? When I was supposed to do what mattered to me the most.

With the people that mattered to me the most.

Then the music started.

And I took every chance, every move, every beat of the rhythm.

Maybe if I got it all right I could at least pretend my father thought I did well.

At that moment I'd just forgotten there was nothing I could do that he wouldn't be able to complain on or snort at or… or just use to show that I was worthless and ugly and fat and…

Right now I just needed to keep dancing.

 **End of flashback**

I didn't wake up from my strange unconsciousness until the very last tone of the song had rang out. And then I noticed that a lot of people had come into the room.

There were everyone from the dumping ground including Mike and May- Li, there were a few members of the other teams. Including Jamie Conrad and a few of the girls from school including their coach. The one that had denied me a place on their team when she saw what I looked like…

…And then at last, my father. The two guards behind him on both sides, and a smirk on his face.

"Well, well." The guards reacted when my dad was the only one who said anything but I raised my hand to show them it was okay. "Come on. I don't need a baby sitter alright? I don't need a baby sitter to talk to my own daughter."

I could hear a gasp from the direction of the school's team and saw Jamie with a hand over her mouth and staring from me, to dad, back to me…

"Come on girls." Miss Donoghue seemed in a rush to get away all of a sudden. "Get out, Jamie- you too."

Mike sent me a reassuring look. But I wasn't done and I just knew it. I needed to say something to my father- I needed to find something that hurt. Something that would bother him and help him…

…The thing I had to say popped in my mind. Without smiling, smirking, pouting or anything else with my expression I looked dad straight into the eyes. Those evil eyes I had seen countless times in my nightmares.

But this was for real.

Even though when I said what I needed to it almost felt like it wasn't me.

" _I forgive you."_

"What?" My dad spat and turned around again laughing. I woke up from my weird half- conscious state and took a deep breath. "What did you say?"

"I said I forgive you."

SMACK!

Dad had slapped me before neither I nor the guards had had the time to react. They had taken a step back at the moment I showed them it was okay. Now I had proved to them it wasn't so simple. But before I had had the time to say anything or in any way react before either of the guards had taken each of his arms and had put him in handcuffs.

"That wasn't very smartly done was it?" One of the guards asked him when dad moaned. "Now come on. I think you've done enough."

"NO." I shouted. "I have more to say."

Mike gave me a nod from behind dad. The school's team had walked away but I didn't have anything against the ones from the dumping ground seeing and hearing this. I would have shouted it out to the whole world if I could.

"Now come on then." Dad snorted. "Or are you coward?"

Here goes nothing…

When I finally started talking it was almost all in one word. The words just wouldn't stip rolling out of me.

"You're not worth me. You're not worth my time. You're not worth to be called a father… Nicholas… But I forgive you. I forgive you for killing mum and for trying to kill me. And I can do that because I'm a damn better and bigger person than you are."

"Your mother died in a car crash."

"After you broke the brakes and my toddler car seat. And that before you fed me peanuts and cut my whole arm up. And then threw a bucket of boiling oil at me… But I forgive you."

"All of those were accidents caused by you."

"Just keep on telling yourself that." My tone was cold and monotone. I was afraid if I tried anything else I'd start crying. "Maybe one day you'll actually believe it." Dad smirked but he was obviously insecure. "Have a great life… So will I… Because I'm letting go of the past and I… I forgive you."

What felt like the hundredth time said those three words I knew it was true. And I knew it was the last time in very, very long if ever I spoke to him.

"Now come on." The guard behind him said as the both led him towards the door and out of my sight- I didn't protest this time. And father didn't say a word. I gave one glance towards everybody else from the dumping ground before I turned and looked myself in the mirror.

"Come on kids. We'll go wait in the van." May- Li and the others went out of the room but I saw each of them in the mirror turning around to look at me and Mike. And he didn't move his arm from around my shoulders. "You guys just… take your time."

I swallowed yet another time while May- Li kicked away the door stop and let the door fall closed behind her. But it was about the millionth time during the last thirty seconds and when the door clicked behind the last person of the dumping ground and I watched myself in the mirror, my vision was soon blurred by the tears rising and then streaming down my cheeks.

I hadn't hugged a person in ages at all. And as far as I could remember I hadn't had another person put their arms around me in that special way that made it feel like they could protect me against all of bad there was in the world.

But right now Mike did hold me like that.

Right now tears streamed down my cheeks and into Mike's shirt as he held me tight.

"I won't ever talk to him again will I?"

I got it out at last. But I wasn't so sure if I cried more for that reason. For the reason that I didn't get to have a parent there when I came home from school. That I never had a parent who came to my classes and sat in the audience and cheered. I never had a parent to fight with, to help with my homework…

…To come with me to the hospital.

"Mike?"

"Yes?"

"Can you come with me to the hospital tomorrow?"

My voice sounded weirdly squeaky from the crying. Even more than what I had expected or wanted it to. And the first thing I wanted to do was to apologize for sounding so begging and trying to manipulate him.

But my voice was silent behind more sobs and snivels…

"Of course I will. Don't worry about that."

 **Song  
** The song for the show- Phoenix- Molly Sanden **  
**Maya dancing- Shake it out- Florence and the machine (glee cast cover)

 **Random fact**

The titles for the chapters twelve and thirteen came from the song used in the chapter, the one that Maya danced to. And it was actually listening to it that gave me the idea to write this chapter. I hope you liked it.


	15. Been here before

**Thanks to CharlieSmarts12 and x snow- pony x for reviewing.**

 **Oliver looks like Robert Pattinson. Dr. Monique (Mon- eek) looks like Vincent Cassel**

 **Here's the last chapter.**

"There was once…" I started while I and Mike walked through the revolving doors to Newcastle Memorial hospital. "I mean…. I've been sent back and forth to like twenty different care homes but… There's one I remember especially. And that was when I was twe…"

I frowned and stopped in the middle of a word when I suddenly realized that I hadn't counted it right. That that surgery had wasn't as long ago as I thought it was.

"Are you okay Maya?"

"Yeah…" I said, more weakly than what I had planned. "…I was in a foster home then. I was thirteen not twelve. They said they'd always be there for me. They were there for me all up until I had fallen asleep for the surgery. And they said they'd still be there when I woke up… but they weren't. Before I left the hospital the oldest of their kids came and left bags with all of my things in my hospital room and the social worker to tell me I was moving on to Stonewall care home. That I was moving two hours away from there right away. And with that would come a new school when it would start, a new hospital. New care home, new care kids and so on…" I gave a deep sigh. "I was there for a couple of months only… Then I came to Ashdene Ridge. And here we are."

 **Mike POV**

"I hope you understand now Maya." I showed her to stop when we stood right outside the surgery department. "We would never do something like that to you. And if we, against all odds would feel that you should move for one reason or another. Then we'd never force you, and we'd never do it without hearing your opinion about it."

I knew there were so many care and foster homes that had done the exact opposite of what Ashdene Ridge stood for. And it broke my heart.

Maya didn't answer, but only looked towards the sign that said plastic surgery and showed me to come after her. She had been here before.

"About this time in the morning…" Maya glanced towards a clock on the wall that said seven in the morning. "…All the nurses gathers in their staff room to go through what patients they have for the day. The staff office is here." She pointed to a room that had big windows in the walls towards the hallway. But they were blurred and could only be seen through at the top. "So we can only sit here and wait." She sat down on a bench and showed me to sit down next to her. "And now we're waiting."

It hurt me how Maya seemed so used to all of this. Where she now sat with her head leaned back against the wall tiredly she was obviously waiting for the next. But a fourteen year old girl shouldn't know what was coming to come next. She shouldn't have gone through it before…

Maya knew.

"Well hello." Obviously one of the nurses in the staff room had seen us coming because we'd only sat on the bench for a few seconds when the door opened and a guy, possibly in his late twenties or young thirties came out to us and closed the door after him. "Hey Maya. We have met before and… you are…"

"Mike. Michael Milligan." I stood up when Maya did next to me. "Care worker."

"Geez Mye. For every time we meet you've changed and you're bringing some new care worker or foster parent… Good day. My name is Oliver and I'm a nurse."

If glares could kill there wouldn't have been much left of Oliver the nurse.

 **Maya POV**

Oliver Patrick was just as annoying every time I came to the hospital to have surgery. Time and time again he was. Too bad he was also good- looking so I could never ask to get somebody else the next time I came around. It was the only thing I had that didn't make the hospital stay excruciating.

Not so much because Oliver was actually here but because every straight girl or homosexual boy ever would be jealous of it. And that was always something!

"Room fifteen for my lady today."

At least that was a single room. That was always something too. I hated having to share room at the hospital.

I had had that room as mine a number of times before, but a number of times I had also been sharing…

And suddenly it hit me how extremely how sad it was that I had learnt what rooms in this hallway were single, double or even triple rooms. I was fourteen years old with as many hospital stays as an eighty year old cancer- patient. And everything because of my dad.

"And can you tell me your birthday?"

"August thirteenth 2003."

"Good girl." Oliver put the paper- like wristband around my wrist with my name and birthday on to make sure I got all the right care. "I'm leaving you know but you already know that. And then I'll come back whenever you'll be taken to surgery."

"In about a thousand years."

"Pardon?"

"Nothing." I'd only mumbled with no intention of letting Oliver or Mike hearing how tired I was of this or how long the days for surgery always left. Oliver was the one that had asked, I could see it on the way he looked at me. But he didn't say anything and left the room. I ignored him, took my shoes and jacket off and put it in a slim wardrobe in the corner. Then put my laptop on the high, rolling bedside table and laid the charger next to it. And also a copy of the book "stranger than fanfiction" by Chris Colfer before I laid the backpack on the floor of the wardrobe and then crawled up into the bed.

"And now we wait."

I always tried to stay awake all night before a surgery day. That way I could sleep when I came to the hospital and time would pass by quickly. But tonight, after coming home from the competition and somehow relieved after talking to my dad. I had more or less fallen into bed before clock had passed eight and slept deeply until Mike woke me up at six.

I really hated surgery days. Including that one always got the instructions to come here at seven, and then still had to wait for hours before one would hear anything about when the surgery could be done and it was time for the preparation.

Neither Mike nor I said much that day. At about noon he went to the cafeteria to have something to eat. But that after having made sure with the nurses that I wasn't going anywhere before he was back. And then making sure with me that I, and my book and my laptop were fine waiting for him.

It felt like a million years alone even though it was only half an hour before Mike came back. And I could hear doctors and nurses and all kinds of staff and patients running through the hallway outside my rooms. And those sounds along with alarms, people moaning and shouting for help… As if the staff didn't already have enough to do without that kind of people.

I just sat on that darn hospital bed minute in and minute out. I got hungry after a while not having eaten since last night because I was being put to sleep with narcosis. I had bought a code at the hospital kiosk so I could use the Internet. For a bit back and forth I read and sometimes every once in a while I and Mike thought of something to talk about. But none of it made time pass by fast enough and when the clock passed three in the afternoon I was so tired of it all I could have screamed it right out.

And then…

"Here is Dr. Monique. The surgeon." Dr. Monique and Oliver came into the room, Oliver holding onto a pile of soft, hospital clothes of the kind that I just loved to hate. "Change into these. Dr. Monique will be drawing on you and then we're going."

"Drawing?"

Mike seemed confused, I had been here before so I just stood up, pulled my sweatpants off and pulled the grey, ugly hospital pants on, only barely pulling them up to leave the space open where Dr. Monique needed it, then turned my back against them- I definitely wasn't prude, and changed my shirt into the one from the hospital before I laid my own clothes on a chair by the window and laid back on the bed.

"We'll be taking pieces of skin from her hip. About here." With his thick, black pen Dr. Monique drew on a line around my hip and showed Mike. "And then make a transplant and put it on her hand, on her fingers. Later on she'll be able to stretch her fingers properly. Which she can't do now because the skin is too tight. And then on the side of her neck so that she can turn her head properly. And she'll have to have more surgery in the future…"

"Don't remind me."

"…But we'll be happy with her fingers and the side of her neck today." He drew on my fingers and my hand carefully. And then I turned to the side so he could draw on the side of my neck where I couldn't even turn my head fully because the skin was too tight. "…You see. When the skin is scarred like this it doesn't grow and stretch as it's supposed to. Then it needs plastic surgery like this. Luckily it's quite simple and common ones. So the risk of anything going wrong is about minus five."

"W- wrong?" Mike questioned. "Could something go wrong? What do you mean?"

"There is always some risk of something going wrong with anything. And especially during medical procedures. Often, like in this the risk is very little. All the medicines Maya's getting today she has gotten many times before so allergies are out of the picture. But putting someone down under narcosis can be risky. And there are times when someone has had surgery and been fine but then with the narcosis when they're supposed to wake up and they just simply don't. They never wake up. But believe me- that's not going to happen. The worse that could happen this time is scarring on your skin and well… you already have enough of that so one or three more isn't going to make any difference. And then it's only the risk of you feeling sick or fever- ish after you wake up but we don't have to worry about that now. That's only normal, uncomfortable of course. But not life threatening. And however you feel you can tell the staff in the recovery room about it. They're there to help so don't hesitate to ask. Do you want to ask me anything else?"

"Can Mike come with us?"

I barely even knew what made me answer. It wasn't as if I didn't know what would come next but it was just… I didn't know at all really.

"I- I mean I… ehrm…"

"He can stay with you all the while until you're asleep. And by the time you wake up he'll be right by your side again. Excuse me. But I have to go get the room ready now." Dr. Monique left with his black pen and annoying, French accent. I couldn't help but to grimace after him as if I had been five years old. I had almost expected Mike to become strict and tell me off but he smirked, nodded towards the doctor and rolled his eyes.

"He's annoying. And those…. French R- sounds are just soooo…" I rolled my eyes and then fell back towards the bed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ask that… you can just wait here. I'll be back in a couple of hours or you can go back to the dumping ground or whatever. You really don't have to come with me." Mike came closer and laid a hand on my shoulder.

"As long as we're here you're in charge Maya. And I know what you teenagers are like… of course I'll come with you: There's certainly nothing so important at the dumping ground or anywhere else I need to do it right now or right after. I'll be by your side in the recovery room and stay with you until you're back here. If there's something that needs to be done I will do it when you're back and feeling alright again."

"You're like the best dad ever. Did you ever have any children of your own?" I suddenly realized I wasn't one to just act like that and I put a hand to my head. "Sorry… I always get… Days in the hospital are so boring… maybe… I don't know how to express myself… I get sort of drunk really. Ask weird questions and forget ab… about things… Oh. Here comes Oscar again."

"Oliver." I smirked to let him know I was only joking. "Well very funny. Not. We're going to take you downstairs for the surgery any minute now. But first… Here's the needle. And what's it called?"

"Butterfly."

"Can you tell me your birthday?" Oliver pushed the butterfly needle into my hand and stuck it with a plaster. "Only to check." He checked the wristband I had gotten when I came here. "August the thirteenth in two thousand and three." The nurse nodded with a smile and laid four pills on my bedside table along with a small Styrofoam cup with water. "That one's a sedative, that one's anti-nausea, and those two are against the…"

"Against the pain. I know. I've been through this before."

"Loads of times. Be back in a minute."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him again and give a deep sigh.

"FIY as you teenagers say. I never married or had children of my own. But there are loads of children out there who I had cared for and I see all of them, including you as my own. Therefore, when you don't feel good I don't… and I'm sort of supposed to come with you to the hospital or stay with you when you're not well or even feel happy when you're happy and proud when you do well."

"Are you only here because you have to?"

"Oh come on. I didn't mean it like that. You know what I mean."

I did mean. And now I felt bad for saying that because Mike really was the best. I decided to just wait not to say anything more then. But weren't there things it maybe would do well if Mike knew before I went to surgery? And came back of course.

"There are things you should know. I know about the medicines I just got. They never help. I'm still going to be sick when I wake up from the narcosis. I always do. Then it doesn't matter if I haven't eaten for almost twenty four hours. I still do." I gave a deep sigh while I saw Mike frowning at me. "And believe me. I've tried anything and everything to stop it… I guess when I arrived at Ashdene Ridge a while ago I wouldn't have minded it much though…"

"What do you mean?"

"How fun do you think it is to shove your fingers down your throat to force yourself to throw up? With a surgery and narcosis that is made so much simpler. And you don't even have to eat anything before it." Mike couldn't hide the sigh. "Sorry… I know it's not okay to make comments like that. But I'm just in such a bad mood when I'm about to have surgery knowing what will happen next."

"I can understand that." Oliver was back in the room. "Especially at this time of day. But here we go. We're usually two nurses to push the bed. But maybe Mike here can help- we're a bit under staffed today. I just have to go and get something I forgot."

Oliver- confused as usual half ran out of the room and left Mike and me waiting again.

"Eating disorders are a terrible thing." Mike said while we waited for Oliver. "I don't think anyone actually understands it. Not even when you're in the middle of it, hurting yourself or coming out of it. But if you're ever there again Maya, please talk to me. I don't… I don't even want to think about what could have happened if Archie hadn't figured what was going on…"

Mike never finished that sentence. Oliver hurried back into the room and loosened the breaks on the wheels of the bed. And while he took the pulling at the front. Mike took the steering and pushing at the back. While I just laid down and watched people as we passed them by towards the surgery.

Some of them looked a bit strange looking back. But it would be fine. This part I always forgot all about later on…

"Can you tell me your birthday?"

My mind was spinning as a side effect from all the medicines I'd been getting. But the feeling that I had it in the back of my mind somewhere only made me feel worse.

"I can't remember…" I whimpered. "…I'm sorry."

"That's okay." Oliver told me but I could see in the look on his eyes that he couldn't wait to get out of here and leave me to somebody else. "August thirteen 2003. See there? I knew what it was anyway. Can you tell me your name?"

"Maya."

"More than Maya?"

I just couldn't remember. Even though I knew it was there I couldn't get it out.

"I know that too. Maya- Nicole Connally- Henderson." Oliver checked the wristband again. "I'm going now. Here comes a surgery nurse, and over there is the surgeon. And it's just about to start. Good luck. Maybe I'll see you another time."

I wasn't sure about that. But it didn't seem impossible.

As if the rest of the meds I had already gotten wasn't enough the nurse used a syringe to push something into the chord that was in my arm. And for every second I felt more and more dizzy and confused.

More and more like I needed someone there that wasn't meant to hurt me even more.

"Mike?"

"Right here."

"Can I change my name and take away the parts that are from my dad's name- Nicole and Connally. I don't want to have anything more to do with him… Maybe my middle name could be Amelia… after my mum."

"I think we can sort that out." Mike said, in a calm and comforting tone. "But don't worry about that now. We'll have plenty of time to worry about that later. Oh… here comes the nurse with the mask. Just relax now Maya. It's all okay."

That was very easy for Mike to say wasn't it? He didn't know how the mask one put over nose and mouth to breathe in the narcosis is huge and terribly uncomfortable. Still I had done all of this before and knew exactly what the surgery nurse would say next.

"I'm going to put this over your nose and mouth. And you just concentrate on taking deep breaths and then count down from ten. Okay?"

Not knowing what I was doing I suddenly looked around in.

"It's okay Maya." I heard Mike's voice and felt his big hand slip into my small. "I'm right here. Just relax."

The nurse put the mask on…

 _Deep breaths Maya, deep breaths…_

 _Ten_

 _Nine_

 _Eight_

 _Sev…_

 **I hope what Maya said about eating disorders wasn't dishonoring in any way. I just needed to refer to the beginning of the story in some way and that was just so in character for her. I didn't mean to dishonor anyone or anything. I hope everyone's okay with how I wrote about them. Both in this chapter and before.**

 **Maya's birthday I just picked a random date. Then I realized that August thirteenth is special to me. Because it was the date I was due to be born. Even though I was a month and a half premature and my birthday is June the twenty eighth.**

 **The book "Stranger than fanfiction" by Chris Colfer is a bit strange I guess. But it's actually good and definitely worth the read. As are all of Chris Colfer's book. And if the name sounds familiar Chris is most known for playing the character Kurt Hummel in glee.**

 **I actually didn't plan for the surgeon to be French. I just tried to figure a name that would suit him and Monique turned up and that was it.**

 **Random fact**

The chapter was originally not meant to be split up in Mike and Maya's pov's like that. But I wrote and wrote and then I realized I'd changed into Mike's pov when I hadn't realized I'd been writing other parts from Maya's (I don't write chapters right up and down. I write the scenes or lines I have ideas for first and then write to tie them together) So I put Mike's name before the start of the scenes I'd just been writing. And put Maya's name where I'd finished so it could go back to her pov. And after all it at least ended up at suiting points to switch.

 **And then that's the whole chapter. Another story finished.**


End file.
